Taming the Beast
by Feenix Child
Summary: The infamous James Potter finally has his brutally honest say, when it comes to his final years at Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

The idea that Lily Evans would ever go out with me was just a fantasy. Pure fantasy. Still, I indulged and dreamed and, meh, hallucinated. You know, a pathetic attempt at making dreams come true. Frankly, no one in their right mind, with perfectly functional hearing, would want to go out with her. You know the type. Fiery red head, stubborn wench, determined to nab a guy and mould him into her idea of a perfect man. A knight in shining armor.

Pure bollocks, if you ask me.

So, this may raise the question 'why do I want her so much?' Simple. Because I couldn't have her. One question started it back in… oh, when was it? Fourth year? Something like that. Just for the sake of it (and because I hadn't tried asking her before) I called out to her across the room. Ok, so I bellowed it across the Great Hall, same thing. But I wasn't really expecting a face full of pumpkin juice and an earful of abuse. I honestly thought that 'troll-faced, toad-smelling little rat' was a bit out of order as a reply to 'Oi, Evans, go out with me!'. Rotten girl.

She is damn fit, though. No, seriously! Ask any guy and he'll groan and nod, then float off into the Land of Lily, where millions of bronze skinned, bikini clad Lily's just waltzed around, ready to bow to your every whim. Some guys practically drooled. I could have decked those wankers.

But still, I can't see why she should reject me so violently. I never did anything to her. Apart from that unfortunate accident in Potions in third year when I accidentally managed to spill my half-made potion on her hair, which promptly turned into a young replica of Medusa's famous style. I would have thought that having a head full of snakes would make a woman more interesting. A good conversation starter, at least. 'There's something in your hair… oh, just another cobra, it's ok.'

You see? Never really did anything to her. She likes to act like Joan of Arc or something, gliding around the school and preaching to everyone. 'Potter, leave that second year alone!' That bloody second year picked my pocket, Miss Evans! Stupid female. Just assuming she knew everything

So, because it was an impossible task and the guys all told me I couldn't do it, I made it my mission in life to go out with Lily Evans. Just to show her she wasn't as cool as she thought herself. I wanted to bring her down to the wizarding world with a seriously painful bump.

She's an Adonis, a princess, a beauty queen. She's also a downright bitch. And if she thinks I'll lay down and let her strut her body over me (not that I'd mind with the whole body idea), then she's dreaming. I still wanted her. Just so I could show the world that I'd tamed the shrew. And taming the shrew was exactly what I intended.


	2. Chapter 2

'Oi, Evans! When are you going to give into your subconscious urges and go out with me?'

'When my subconscious urges stop involving throttling you, Potter. Now get off my tail before I put your wand where it belongs. And you won't enjoy that.'

Lily Evans tossed her mane of hair over her shoulder and grabbed her best friends' hand, marching off down the hall. That stupid pang on dejection stabbed me in the heart again as Sirius sidled up beside me, shaking his head.

'Merlin, man, you're not going to win her over. Aim slightly lower, go for the little friend of hers. Now that is a nice slab of meat.'

I looked over my shoulder at my best mate and blinked at him. 'Sirius? Has anyone ever told you that the amount of crap that pours out of your mouth increases every day?'

'Daily.' He shrugged his bag higher on his shoulder and pushed past me, talking as he did. 'I know that the constant rejection by little Miss Evans is striking you at the core of your very being but, seriously Prongs, get on with your life.'

'Seriously, Sirius?' I smirked at my lame joke. Yeah, my senses of humour wanes slightly whenever Evans busts my bubble. Bloody female.

'Hey man, did you do that Transfiguration homework? Because McGonagall is going to whip me. She'd enjoy it, but I don't think I will.'

'Thanks for the mental image, Padfoot.' Remus jogged up from behind us, tucking a book on magical creatures under his arm. 'Didn't really need it, though.'

'Anytime. Hey, did you just witness Prong's latest attempt at nailing Evans?'

'Nah. Kinda of glad of that, too. They keep getting lamer.'

I ploughed on ahead, face as dark as thunder. Screw them, I was going to get her to go out with me if it was the last thing I did. The weather suited my mood too, I thought, as thunder rolled across the sky somewhere above the stone arches of the castle ceiling. Bloody women. Storming through the doorway into our classroom, I glared at Evans' back as I slumped in my seat at the back of the room.

Professor McGonagall gazed sternly around the classroom over the rim of her glasses and sniffed dismissively. It seemed like she was in another of her moods. I conveyed my concerns to Sirius. He nodded solemnly and scribbled three letters on a scrap of parchment. And a hand came down to snatch it off the desk.

'Good work, Mr Black. Unfortunately, that is incorrect.' McGonagall waved her wand and the parchment transfigured into a tiny swan which whirled up into the air and glided out the window. Padfoot's face was the picture of apology, but even I could see the suppressed laughter. Every eye in the room was fixed on us and I could feel those green eyes burning into my skull. McGonagall glared down at us, one eyebrow so high, it was close to her severely pulled back hairline.

'Care to explain, Mr Potter?'

I shrugged and flashed a charming smile up at her. 'Men suffer from PMS too, Professor. I was expressing the reason for my mood swings. The constant dejection by Miss Evans is affecting my life, I find myself so very close to tears every night.'

Evans blushed furiously, face almost matching her hair. McGonagall almost… _almost_ smiled. Then gave Sirius and I detention for the next week. Padfoot muttered under his breath as she stalked to the front of the room, where the blackboard was filled with writing I hadn't noticed.

Unfortunately, my eyes met with Evans' and I was given a silent show of exactly what she was planning on doing later to me. Bat bogies. I shuddered.


	3. Chapter 3

'Potter!'

I groaned. Turning slowly, I left Remus, Sirius and Peter to walk on without me. 'Come to your senses, Evans?'

Alright, I'm not stupid. I knew what she wanted but I wanted to get her hair frizzled. Have to admit though, she had beautiful hair. Dear Merlin, what was wrong with me? I didn't even like her, she was a bitch.

'Yeah, I have actually. I decided not to kill you, although I might have the whole of womankind hating me for this one capitulation-'

'Big word.'

'Shut your face.' She stepped up close to me, standing on tiptoes to get her nose almost touching mine. 'Stay. Away. From. Me. Get it?'

'Got it.'

'Good.'

And in a swirl of red and black, she was gone.

Leaving me to storm to potions, accidentally slamming Severus Snape up against a wall as I went. Just to release some pent up anger. Of course. He was good for that.

It wasn't until I was in bed later that night that I let myself actually think about the last few years. What had I filled it with? Going out with girls, wasting time in class, playing pranks and making Snape suffer for breathing. Slimy git. It was exactly that that had Evans hating me. But she smells, so it doesn't matter. She was so conceited, with her gaggle of oh so popular girls. Every single one of them either Padfoot or I had been with. Or Remus. He was slightly less… flamboyant than Sirius and I, so the quieter girls tended to hanker after him.

I suppose Sirius was known as the tall, dark and handsome type, with a loud mouth and sense of humour to boot. He walked through Hogwarts and you could see the girls mouths watering, eyes wide as they gazed at him. He was relaxed, easy, willing to laugh, ready to laze around at any chance he had. But when his mind switched on, it was fast. He came from an ancient line, rather inbred, so the whole 'keep it in the family' thing was a bit focused. Somehow it bypassed him and he slipped through the branches of the family tree and landed in Gryffindor. He's the diamond in the rough. In a way. I'm not planning to elope with the guy but hey, he is my best mate.

Remus Lupin… well, he moved to South West England and started at Hogwarts when we did. Pale, skinny guy. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, but Sirius and I started to talk to him as soon as we plonked ourselves down in the compartment he was in. The thing is, we were a bit confused as to why he had to disappear every month. According to him, his mother was very sick. But, despite the fact that Sirius and I are known as trouble makers, we also have brains. And, with the help of Petter Pettigrew, who just suddenly started shadowing us, we put the clues together. Gone once a month. Full moon. Came back looking drained and exhausted. That and the help of our third year book for Magical Creatures. Unbeknownst to our dear friend Remus, we worked out tiny backsides off and, using my trusty invisibility cloak, we found the method to turn ourselves into animagi.

The next time he was whisked away beneath the Whomping Willow, we trailed him. I can still remember the shocked look on his face. Bless his cursed little heart. And when we transformed, well… He was a happy chappy then. He didn't look quite so exhausted when he came back and we managed to keep him close to his right mind after he transformed.

So, that was how we lived. Ran wild once a month and damn, we had some close calls. Fun, though. And it was those nights running wild that helped us create the map. The Marauders Map.


	4. Chapter 4

I just explained all about Remus and his illness. Well, it just so happens that that very night was a full moon. And we indulged. Sneaking out wasn't so hard as it used to be, we knew the passages and secret doors in the castle like the back of our hands… or at least Sirius and I did. We slipped outside and had Peter transform into a rat to scamper and slip between the thrashing limbs of the ugly Whomping Willow so that us two could slip into the hole between the great roots. Peter squeaked and Sirius met my eye. We were late. The gap we were in was too small for me to transform, big enough for Padfoot. He slipped into his huge dog form and he padded ahead of me as I struggled through the dark, cursing Padfoot's sight in the dark. My footstep suddenly echoed on a wooden floorboard and, in the dim moonlight, I looked around the inside of the Shrieking Shack. Yep, you got it. The fabled haunted Shrieking Shack. I guess people always assumed that the horrible howls they heard was some miserable ghost. Nup. Just Remus.

A howling figure bounded toward me. Concentrating, I slipped into my new body and reared back, my front right hoof striking Moony firmly on the snout. He backed up and whimpered then, suddenly behaving no worse than a friendly puppy, he bounded in circles around us, yipping gleefully.

That night, I can't remember much of. I know somewhere along the line we trashed Old Man Featherwhip's garden, stacking and Petrifying the gnomes in his garden into a replica of the Eiffel Tower. I also vaguely remember Padfoot heading us off at the edge of the grounds to Hogwarts and making us go another way because he'd seen a student sized figure snooping over the grounds towards the willow. That's about it, really.

So, four bleary eyed students staggered out of bed after an hours sleep, grumpy, no homework done. And sniping at every student. So it was no surprise that I snapped at Evans when she decided to crack a funny at my expense. I guess that was the final straw, the last chapter in the book of _Why Lily Evans Despises James Potter_. Bitch.

So, my glaring eyes were locked on her swinging curtain of fire as she walked in front of me, head high. She was nothing special. She never wore makeup, she wasn't loud, she never bitched about anyone. But Merlin, that bitch had a sharp tongue when she was pissed. And it seemed like Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail and I weren't the only students lacking in sleep.

From where I was walking, my half-closed eyes couldn't see the swaying pile of books in her arms. Of course, she dropped one. Now, I would have thought what I did was quite chivalrous. No, I didn't get down on one knee and pick up the book. I automatically Levitated the dropped book. Too fast. And smacked the girl in the face. With what just happened to be a leather bound copy of _1,000,001 Ways to Become a Leader_.

'Oops… I-.'

'Potter! Can you not just back the hell off for once!' She turned her blazing green eyes on me, looking up at me with such venom that I actually staggered backwards. 'You march up here, thinking you know best and almost break my nose! Merlin, you're so useless, you couldn't do a thing right, you're just a stu-.'

'WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?' I think half the population of the school froze when I snapped. Even Sirius took a slow, careful step backwards. 'You think I'm conceited? That I'm an idiot, that I don't actually think for myself? That I'm a complete waste of space? WAKE UP, EVANS!' The entire hallway jumped. 'I'm NOT useless, I'm NOT conceited and you don't know the first thing about me! So shut your fat loud mouth, swallow your own head and stay the hell away from ME!'  
She stood, stunned, during most of my speech but, at the end, she exploded. And Merlin, she did look pretty when she was pissed off.

'I don't? I DON'T? You think I'm so blind that I can't see what you're like? You rich, arrogant, stubborn, stuck up, arrogant-'

Sirius leaned in between us, raising a disapproving finger. 'You said arrogant twice-.'  
She hissed at him. She actually hissed. I threw up my hands and glared down at her. 'Just get f-.'

'MR POTTER! MISS EVANS!'

Fudge. McGonagall.

'Detention.'

Oh crap.


	5. Chapter 5

So there I was, tapping my quill on a spare piece of parchment, taking a break after the six hundred and twenty ninth line of 'I will not cause brawls in the hallway', glaring across the room at a little rat with red hair. My mind was going through and dismissing every hex I could think of and more. That wench. I bloody hell tried to help the ungrateful woman and what do I get? A blasting and detention. Mind you, purple does look good on her. I couldn't help but smirk at her black eye. She deserved it anyway. Should teach her not to get in the way of my wand.

That sounds dirty. Scratch that last line.

She lifted her cold green eyes and glared at me. I just glared right back at her. A stare-down, was it? Well, two could play at that game. Until the stupid bitch hit me with the Conjuntius curse and I started blinking uncontrollably. I think Sirius was right, women should be chained to the kitchen, with a lead long enough to go to the bedroom and back. Just to clean. It's all this little shrew was good for.

I forced my eyes shut and muttered the counter curse then settled in for another good long glare. Yeah. That's right, you little redheaded mouse. I'm bigger, tougher and smarter than you. Ner.

Finally, I reached a thousand lines and staggered out of the classroom. It must have been nearly midnight. Great. No sleep last night, almost none tonight. Yippee. I staggered into the common room and... she must have been stalking me! I barely had enough energy to raise my head to acknowledge the fact that she was in the room with me. But still, my pride opened my gob for me.

'Waiting for me, are you? I don't exactly have all the much energy so whatever you were planning, it might have to wait.'

'Shut up, Potter, you're not so hot as you think.'

'Touche. Mind you, goes both ways. You might want to remember that next time you walk past some poor guy with your nose scraping the ceiling.'

'I only do that to you, and that's in the desperate hope that you'd back the hell off.'

'Never.' I muttered, slinking slowly across the common room towards the stairs to the guys dormitories.

'Fine. By the way, after Remus' transformation last night, I'd say he's probably worse off than all of us put together.'

'Remus is just fine, thanks, just like-.' Oh sweet holy mother or Merlin. I froze. Then, slowly, I turned to face her. She was sitting crosslegged in front of the fire, back straight, in her pyjamas. Only her wide eyes gave away the shock that she had actually stumbled across the truth.

'I thought so.'

I slumped over to her and fell back into the sofa, eyes closing briefly, dragging my hands over my face. 'Think you can keep it quiet?'

'Don't patronize me, Potter. I'm not a child,' she said, hair swinging in a curtain around her tiny face. Everything about her seemed small, but in some sort of proportion. I remembered something my mother said once: _There's no such thing as an ugly girl. Only ones that are slightly out of proportion. The handsome ones are the ones who look symmetrical._

I'd always found that interesting but never quite understood it. Now, I did. This little bird perched on the floor, practically at my feet, was in perfect proportion. But she can't have been taller than five foot, four inches! It amazed me that I found it so easy to argue with her, when she was so little. I suddenly felt like the big bad bully. Something in my face must have changed, because her own softened slightly. I shook my head.

'I wish I could help him. I really do.'

'You help him every time you're with him. Just the fact that you didn't turn tail when you figured it out, helped him.'

I blinked and stared hard at her. I had no idea how much she actually knew. But she gave no sign that she knew about the illegal animagi. Gracefully (of course, gracefully, she used to do that crazy Muggle dancing, what was it…? Oh yeah, ballet), she stood and walked past me.

'Get some sleep, Potter. Your first game is coming up soon.'


	6. Chapter 6

That was back in… fourth year, did I say? Yeah, maybe fourth. Well, the begs for dates went on for the next couple of years but not so loud and abusive as it had been. Evans and I stopped the continual arguments and grudgingly got along for a while. Mostly towards the end of sixth year because bloody Sirius decided he wanted to hook in with Evans' best friend. Well, if Susan Gutteridge wanted to kiss a guy with dog breath (literally) then fine by me, but I dug my heels in when it came to welcoming Evans and her other friend, Bianca Walsh, into the Marauders. Remus was quite happy to be the gentleman, apologizing for mine and Sirius' either absences or rude behavior. Mind you, I wouldn't really call exposing Snape's underwear (again) to the school 'rude behavior', more a lesson on why to keep your underwear clean.

But, in time, it became clear that neither Sirius nor Remus had any plan on staying single. So it was just Peter and I and, quite frankly, I generally prefer not to be in a minority with Peter. He tends to be the worse off. Remus set to work on wooing Bianca while Sirius practiced snogging Susan. Disgusting display, it was. Have you ever seen a dog licking an icecream cone? Looks strangely a lot like that. Like I said, feral. Even Remus said it: 'Man, I have seen several disturbing things in my time but that… that's just twisted what's left of my mind.'

Yep. Yuk.

The bad thing in this year was the more letters that came filtering through every morning. Once a week someone in the Great Hall would burst into tears after being the lucky recipient of a black envelope. Lord Voldemort was on a spree. Family members were dying everywhere. I was lucky. My father was an Auror and my mother was a journalist for the Daily Prophet. Probably one of the most well known ones, although the one she's training is more of a stick beak liar than a journalist. My mum loves to find out the truth in things, but Rita (who's two years older than me) just loves gossip. Mum was the one pumping out all the stories about where Voldemort was last seen, the followers he's gathered… and most of this stuff she got from my father. Some stuff she knew, but would never write about. My mum has good sense.

Considering that, both my parents went into hiding after the first attack on our house. I was at Hogwarts and, despite the violent letter I sent them, they insisted I stay in the castle. Mum writes from the hideout whatever she discovers about what's happening in the outside world, and Dad goes out to 'fight the good fight'.

And left me sitting in the common room, watching Sirius play tonsil hockey with Susan Gutteridge. Urgh.

I turned my eyes disgustedly back down to the parchment spread out in front of me. Biting thoughtfully on the end of my quill, I scanned the book that was lying open on the table. Another quill appeared in my vision.

'Try that paragraph. Practically answers the entire essay.'

I blinked up at Evans, stunned. 'Huh?' I asked, stupidly.

'That paragraph.' She nodded in the general direction of the book and I dropped my eyes to the page. 'It has the essay question in there, "_What economic, political and social problems did England suffer after the fifth goblin rebellion, and how do you think these affected the Muggle world?_" See? And then it's got the pointers in that paragraph.'

'How do they expect us to write a foot and three inches on a paragraph?' I sat back, mortified.

Evans pushed her half filled parchment towards me.

'Merlin!'

'No, Lily Evans, but thanks for the compliment. See what I've done? Most of it is just rambling rubbish. In the essay question it asks what _we_ think it did.' She shrugged and grinned. 'So I just bullshitted.'

I raised my eyebrows, impressed. Thinking hard, I thought up some rubbish about what pain a Muggle family must have gone through with no goblins around to bow to their every whim (HA!), and started scribbling.

Pausing halfway through a sentence, I raised my eyes from under my still bowed head and stared at Evans. Ok. She offered some help. Wonder who dragged that silver spoon from out of her-?


	7. Chapter 7

Alright, I'm not a complete wanker. I know how to treat women. Merlin, I have to, I was brought up in what my Mum calls a 'well-monied-family.' In other words, my Dad has a shite load of dough. His family tree is more like a family forest, it's that huge. Goes all the way back past the Saxons. Yeah, Saxons. Money. And lots of it. Somehow, in some way the family money stayed un-squandered (unlike most old families) and so my parents own (or did own) a huge house which vaguely looks like a wedding cake. Big, white and roman-looking. Courtyard and all. The only servant we have is a house elf which I never used to see but now, I happen to see very often. I stumbled across him while he was scrubbing the grass stains out of my jeans (I'd fallen off my broomstick. Again). I don't even know why I was in the laundry… oh, yeah, I remember. I'd hidden some Zonko's prank in my jacket pocket and forgotten about it. It only took me two seconds of stepping over the threshold to the laundry to discover that my Realistic Paint can had already been discovered. Accidentally. And I just happened to try walking through a door way that never really existed. The paint had covered the original door and painted an identical open door about two feet to the right. I can still remember the crunch sound as my nose hit the wall.

Anyway, I staggered into the laundry and there's Cuppy, bouncing up and down, squealing, splashing water and scrubbing away at the green stain on my jeans, singing in a terrible high pitched voice as he worked. I actually wondered why the glass in the window hadn't shattered. Then realized the window I was looking at was probably painted on.

'Mister Potter!' The ugly little thing tripped over his own foot and toppled backwards into the washing mashing, knocking the 'On' button as he fell. Wide eyed, I reached down into the groaning washing machine as it started to swish the clothes around and hauled Cuppy out by the back of the old towel he wore as a sort of toga and dumped him on the floor, watching him coughing up bubbles.

'You ok?'

'Y-yes Mister Potter… yes… Cuppy is fine, Cuppy… Cuppy is fine…' Staggering to his feet, he nodded at me and coughed again, a giant bubble floating up over his head. 'Cuppy will finish washing Mister Potter's clothes now, sir. Would sir like anything else?'

He was ugly, he really was. Vaguely resembling road kill. A huge snubbed nose, tiny eyes too close together, stringy blonde hair… I looked up and around. The paint can was on it's side below what I now realized was the fake window (as the giant bubble burst against what seemed to be clear air), completely empty. I sighed and shook my head, bending to scoop up the empty can in my hand. 'No thanks, I'm right. Thanks, Cuppy.'

He beamed at me as I walked out. House elves aren't too bright, but he's not bad to chat to.

Now the whole point of that story was this: I'm not a complete wanker. Most wizards treat their house elves like slaves. I actually offer to help mine, not that he ever lets me help. So why Evans and her little buddies hated me so much, I have no idea. The more they whinged about me, the more I tried to win them over. I'm not bad looking, there's no point in denying it. I hear it often enough every day. Besides, my hair does look good messed up!

So when Evans switched off her continuous PMS and offered me some help, I hid how surprised I was at the whole 'oh no, allow ME' and just smiled. But Merlin, my shock grew each day. That was until she hauled me aside after a particularly painful History lesson.

'Potter!' She had a grip of the collar of my robes so if I wanted to remain breathing, I had to follow her. Mind you, I couldn't resist cracking a funny.

'Is it privacy you're after, Miss Evans?' My voice was cut off just as I finished that oh-so-clever sentence as, with an agonizing yank and a squeak out of me, she half threw me into a spare classroom and shut the door firmly behind her.

I swallowed. Hard.

'Let's get one thing straight, Potter,' she said quietly, advancing on me. I'm sorry, she looked scary! 'I'm not interested in you. I'll never be interested in you-' Ouch. '-and I really do wish you'd just back off.'

I shook my head and snorted. 'I don't know what you're on about, Evans, but-.'

'Don't know what I'm on about?' She whipped out her wand and jabbed me in the nose. 'You're following me about, you're constantly talking to me, you're-.'

'ARE YOU HIGH?'

'Excuse me!'

'Bloody hell, Evans! I'm trying to be friends. Friends! Considering my best mate constantly has his tongue down your best friend's throat, and Remus is turning his life into some kind of fairytale with your buddy Bianca, I'd say I'm trying to make the best out of a bad situation! You're a snob, you're rude and you don't give anyone a second chance! You just assume that I'm some arrogant rich boy who has no idea what's going on. Don't you get it? The last six years or so, my parents have been out THERE! Fighting HIM! I could be an orphan at any second, I need them! They're all the family I have! So I'm sorry that I haven't had time to grovel and obey your every whim but I've tried, Merlin knows these last few weeks I've tried to be friends with you! But you're so wrapped up in your wonderful world of Lily that you can't see that I'm trying to jump into your pants! Here's an idea! YOU get over YOURSELF!'

I think I broke the door when I left the room.


	8. Chapter 8

In six years of schooling I've never had someone avoid my eye so much. Mind you, I must have glared at her often enough. I took my frustration out on Snape (who deserved it for calling my mother a mudblood) and on the Quidditch Pitch. I maimed the Slytherin Keeper when I ditched the quaffle a little too hard and managed to slam him between the legs. And I dislocated one of their Chaser's arms. He deserved it. They all did. But I made sure that Evans knew how pissed I was at her. She'd walk past me and I'd glare at her so hard that she'd flinch.

It just seemed like everything was going wrong. Sirius blew up at me because apparently my treatment of Evans was reflecting on Susan and Susan was 'upset'. In other words, she was whining and complaining and bitching. My grades started to slip and I got detention three times in the one week. I smashed two ink bottles, lost the Marauders Map and spent and hour frantically searching for it before finding it in Peter's top drawer and… yeah. Things were bad.

So I started hanging around the guys less and less. I just wanted time alone and something told me that things could easily get worse. It just seemed like no matter what I did, I managed to screw it up. It just all kept on going wrong.

It was heading into Autumn (yes, this all happened in the first few months of my seventh year), and for some reason, on the coldest night yet, I couldn't sleep. I checked the map and slumped my way down to what had looked like an empty common room. The fire was burning low and, with an oath, I walked over to it and stabbed at t angrily with the poker, setting lose a shower of gold sparks.

'Hello?'

I swung around automatically, eyes narrowed, focused, poker sitting firmly in my hand. Blinking, I stumbled back and dropped the heavy bar with a clang on the floor. Ok. I could have impaled Evans. Nice.

She looked like I'd slapped her. I rubbed my hands roughly over my cheeks. 'I'm sorry… I didn't think anyone was down here…'

'Her mouth fell open then snapped shut again. Looking at her hard, I realized that she was shaking wildly. Standing up straight, I gently gripped her arm and eased her down into the sofa. She was trembling like a leaf.

'You ok?'

'Had… a nightmare, then… I don't know, suddenly being confronted with the business end of a poker in the middle of the night isn't heaps of fun… Oh… not that kind of poker, by the way.' A ghost of a smile appeared on her face.

I sat down in the sofa beside her and pouted into the fire. 'Yeah, sorry about that, you weren't the only one who got a shock. Wasn't really expecting a redheaded ghost to appear behind me.' I grinned halfheartedly. She gave another weak grin and settled back into the sofa.

'So, why couldn't you sleep?' she asked, after a while.

'Dunno. Had a bad week, just felt like stabbing a young woman with a poker to vent my fury. You?'

'About the same. No, I don't really sleep all that well.'

I blinked and looked at her. She never looked tired. As if she knew what I was thinking, she nodded, eyes blank. 'I'm used to it. After Dad died I never really slept much. My sister always said it was my fault.' She bit her lip and stared up into the darkness as if she were trying to see the ceiling. 'I guess it was.'

Alright, now for six years I'd believed Lily Evans to be this absolute prickly bitch. I wanted her because I couldn't have her. Fair enough, I know. Just one of those teenage male conquest things. It sounds bad, but like I said before, taming the shrew. But to find the ice queen melted into a puddle right next to me was a shock. It also meant I had to take a hold of myself and my mind, behave like the gentleman I was brought up to be. So, I thought hard and said the most intelligent thing that my strong, well ordered mind could think of.

'Huh?'

Lily shut her mouth tight and stared determinedly into space. I knew I wasn't what she'd call her best friend so for a moment or two, I was kind of stuck at what to do. Then she shivered. Without actually realizing I had done it, the next second I was sitting back down, she had a blanket wrapped firmly around her too thin body and her shocked eyes boring into mine. And all I could think of was 'please stop staring at me, please stop, please…' only I hadn't the faintest idea why I couldn't stand her staring at me like that.

We sat there in silence for a while before I eased myself up. I smiled weakly down at her and muttered something along the lines of 'get some sleep.'

I didn't count on her hugging me.

I also didn't count on the grin plastered all over my face as, half an hour later, I finally slipped into sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

I guess it wasn't really hard after all. It started slow. A smile here, a shared glance there. There were times when I'd get this feeling… no, not that kind of feeling. A light, feathery kind of feeling. I just put it down to thinking of her as a sister. It seemed safer. I didn't feel that 'I want her, I'll have her' that I used to feel, so… Meh. I thought of her as a sister. A sister I never really got along with but somehow we figured out that, in the end, we're not so different after all.

I suppose it started that night in front of the fire, the two of us not exactly happy, not exactly relaxed, not exactly at ease. But the two of us there. Just… there.

The next morning I trundled downstairs, leaving the snoring form of Peter behind me, eyes dark and tired but feeling better than I had all week. Lily was already there in the common room and by the look of her face she hadn't slept a second longer than I had. She looked up over her shoulder as I jumped the last two steps and for a second I thought of running backwards back up to my dorm and hiding under my bed. Or hexing her. Then she smiled.

I smiled back then clumped over to where Remus was methodically ripping up an old essay and feeding it to the fire.

'What are you doing exactly?'

'Meh. Having fun. Just getting rid of some bulk before we go home tomorrow.'

I picked up an escapee from the essay and read a small section. '… the most terrifying is the full moon, in which the cre…'

'Ah. Gotcha. Need some help?'

Remus gave a solemn nod of acknowledgement. 'I can handle this one. Thanks, James.'

I grinned at him and wandered over to sit beside Lily.

'Potter.'

'Evans. Where are your friends?'

'They've just gone down for breakfast, but I already had some about an hour ago with Remus and Sirius. Did you sleep?'

'No, I was dreaming about coming back down here, bundling you up in my cloak and flying us to Vegas to elope.'

'Pleasant.'

'I certainly thought so. Especially the honeymoon sequel…'

Her hand swung back and whacked me hard in the chest, but she was grinning. 'Honestly James, I thought you were over that arrogant stage.'

'Oh, I am,' I said cheerfully. 'But I'm still male, so it's bound to happen from time to time anyway.'

Sirius suddenly appeared as if from nowhere and plonked his backside down between the two of us, throwing his arms across our shoulders. 'My dear friends!' he cried. 'How lov-a-ly to see you both here! Neither of you hexed, maimed and/or in serious agony! What, my I ask of my dear Prongs and my dear Miss Evans, has happened since I last saw you two conversing? If I remember rightly, Prongsie here was slightly concerned of your state of mind.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Lily's state of mind seems to be a lot clearer than yours, Padfoot old mate. Besides, how'd you know about that, you weren't there!'

'That's what you think. Lily, is it?' I ignored his raised eyebrows and the flash of suspicion as Remus flicked the last piece of parchment into the flame. He grinned at us over his shoulder and heaved himself upright, scuffing his bare feet over the common room carpet as he headed towards us. He sighed as he thrust his hands into his pockets.

'So, what are we doing today?'

We all looked at each other and shrugged.

The lake?' Sirius offered, helpfully. 'We could go for a swim or… Hogsmeade, maybe?'

Lily shook her head. 'The gates are locked and we'll be noticed getting brooms. Besides, the old tunnel roof caved in about a month ago. We can't get there.'

Remus, Sirius and I looked around so fast, three necks cracked. I winced and pressed my fingers against the back of my neck. Sirius and I spoke at exactly the same time.

'You'd actually go?'

'You know one of the passages!'

She blinked. 'Of course. That's how I managed to prank you two in November.'

'That was YOU?'

I laughed. That was excruciating that morning, waking up to find that the sheets I'd just slept in had been hexed. You try waking up and finding your body coated in boils. It's not fun, I assure you. Lily launched into the story of her cursing loudly at our backs one fine day after we'd just inadvertently managed to make her entire head of hair stand upright. Apparently, she'd yelled that we had 'goblin breath' and the Stature of Mike the Mangy had straightened and ducked to the side. She'd slipped inside and went exploring, finding herself emerging from the hill just beyond Hogsmeade. It was amazing watching her tell the story. Some people just tell the story and be done with it. Lily acted it. Her hands flew about her, her face showed every expression and, thank Merlin, she refrained from repeating the words 'like' and 'totally' twice in every sentence that spilled out of her mouth. Us three sat in thrall and just stared at her.

'What?'

Remus looked at me. I looked at Sirius. Sirius looked at Remus.

'We have a map.' The three of us said it together.

'A map? Of what?'

And, with a sly grin, Remus stood and took off up the stairs.


	10. Chapter 10

Lily's eyes were huge as they poured over the tattered looking parchment. We'd bewitched it to make it Undeterorable, but it kept up the appearance it had had after out countless hours of drawing, sketching, changing, labeling… It had taken us a full year of research and hard work. Yeah, I know. Us Marauders do tend to work, just not in class. If it's to out advantage, it's head down for us. It was particularly difficult to map Hogwarts and the passages leading in and out, considering Hogwarts was Unplottable, but we managed it. With a few tricks.

All we could see of Lily was a mane of red hair swinging back and forth as she shook her head.

'How did you manage to do something like this? This is… wow..'

Sirius, Remus and I grinned at each other. We knew. We knew just how hard it'd been but hey, just because we were pranksters didn't mean we were stupid. In fact, it was the complete opposite. Remus was, of course, the really brainy one, whereas Sirius and I were the quick thinkers. Remus would pore over the books, find the best information, and Sirius and I could debate well into the night about twisting different pieces of information together. That's how we made the map. Remus looked up all about Hogwarts and magical mapping, Sirius and I found the loop holes between plotting the whereabouts of the castle on maps and plotting the layout of the castle on a map purely _of_ the castle and created _within_ the castle. See, if you're trying to draw a dot on the map for a castle, the dot will just disappear. But if you are actually in the place, the magic contradicts itself. It was created to hide the castle. But if you're in the castle, it's whereabout can't be denied, can it? It can't be hidden if you're standing smack bang in the middle of it. The magic doesn't uphold making a map of the layout of the castle. So, we muttered the protective spells and the spells that hide the true purpose of the parchment. Peter drew the layout.

Half an hour later, we were slinking along through one of the passages through the dungeous. Not for the first time I wondered what Hogwarts may have been before it was a school. Surely the teachers wouldn't have used a stetching table on students… then again…

Ducking through a tapestry, we ran the length of the dark corridor beyond and Sirius dropped to his knee, hauling up a cleverly enchanted Chameleon Trapdoor. He paused and looked up at Remus and I.

'What about Peter?'

I looked around guiltily. We should have gone back and woken him up… But then again he'd sleep until late afternoon, if we left him.

'It's too late to go back now,' Remus said, glancing over his shoulder.

'I could go…' I honestly didn't want to. Don't get me wrong, he was a good mate but sometime he was just a bit… well, clingy. Desperate for friends. I remembered back in first year that Sirius had teased him the first night. Sirius and I had known each other before Hogwarts. Not too well, he was a Black and I was a Potter. Different branches of the same tree, you see. My parents didn't approve of his and their pureblood obsession and his parents loathed mine. Because of their pureblood obsession. Anyway, we'd still known and liked each other and I'd pulled him and Remus aside after Peter had fallen asleep and told them that if it was only going to be the four of us in that dorm for seven years, it wasn't really fair to leave Peter out. So, Peter had slipped nervously into the group. Personally, I think he was a bit astounded at the fact that we'd accepted him. He gave me the impression that he'd never had many friends.

Remus just shook his head. 'Next time. Come on, we're halfway there.'

Lily jumped down the trapdoor first and Remus slipped into the darkness a second later. I grinned at Sirius and he winked as, with a deep breath, I jumped. It seemed like I fell for at least five minutes, but it was nowhere near that long. I landed with a loud 'oof!' on what felt like a stack of mattresses and shuffled off of them before Sirius calmly crashed into the spot where I'd been laying just a few moments before.

'Come on!'

Lily was up ahead, raring to go. We laughed and tore after her, tripping noisily over the stray stones. It was dark and I got the strong feeling that, to keep from stacking it, Sirius had transformed behind me. Lily would have no idea. But the second it turned light, Sirius was back, standing beside me, tongue lolling. I nudged him and he reeled iit back in with a sheepish grin.

'Sorry, forgot.'

Up ahead was a small opening and Remus was gingerly stretching his head through the gap, looking all around. Suddenly he was gone, exploding out of the gap. Lily followed and I tore after her. After Sirius wriggled through we were off, running down the steep hill's track. We were just outside Hogmeade, and had just emerged from a hole in a cave, hidden in the side of a hill. Lily shrieked excitedly and sped ahead, kicking up the golden and red leaves. It was cold and the wind whipped the pink into our cheeks as we ran after her, cloaks flying and flapping around our Muggle clothes.

Lily skidded to a stop and turned to look at us, eyes shining, hair tangled and windblown, cheeks red.

'Where to, boys?'  
'Three Broomsticks!'

'Zonko's!'

'Honeydukes!'

All three of us answered at the same time. She grinned. 'Three Broomsticks, then Honeydukes, then Zonko's. I'm freezing and hankering after some Butterbeer and I want to reduce the chances on me being pranked before we get back.'  
Sirius snorted. 'I think it's us that should be worried.' He snapped his heels together, executing a pathetic attempt at a salute. 'After you, _mein whol_ general!'

She smiled sweetly and turned, leading the way down the deserted street.


	11. Chapter 11

Remus laughed. 'I never thought anyone could beat Sirius and James when it came to pranking necessities, but you whipped them like puppies!'

'I like to be prepared.'

'For what?' I yelped, staring at Lily as we walked back through the dark tunnel. 'We don't prank you all that much!'

Lily raised her eyebrows. 'Oh, and rat in my bed, the spiked hair, the snakes in my clothes, the love potion that Jeremy Hairifeather drank that had him sliming over me for three days…'

Sirius proudly waved his hand in the dim light. 'That was my idea… oh, that was class, that was…' His eyes went dreamy as they always do when he's reliving a particular good prank and someone's painful humiliation.

There was the sound of Lily's hand smacking some part of Sirius exposed flesh. Remus and I chuckled. Sirius yelped. 'Hey, I did it for his own good! It was either that or he'd go out with Dana Leedy. That would be an unfortunate experience in itself.'

'She a nice person,' Lily started, loyally.

'Yeah, but her face looks like it was bashed with the backend of a shovel…'

'Sirius!'

I laughed and headed up the ladder below the trapdoor. Behind me, I could hear the bickering continue.

'At least she doesn't have the personality of a squashed toadstool.'

'Hey, squashed toadstools are quite friendly, Evans, you should give them more of a chance. You might want to calm down, your hair will start standing on end again.'

I heaved open the trapdoor and wriggled onto the stone floor, turning to help up Lily. She stood and faced Sirius as he emerged, blinking in the sudden bright light. She punched her finger at him, eyes slits. Was it only me who could tell she was three seconds from fits of laughter?

'You do and your dead, Black.'

'I was planning on living another thirty years at least, Evans dearest. Give me a call then, you can murder me when I'm rich and have three wives.'

Remus laughed and his head appeared from the hole in the floor. 'Dreaming, Padfoot old mate.'

We started back and checked the map. Waiting until the coast was clear, we slipped out from behind the tapestry, my eyes constantly on the map. I was watching McGonagall behind us, praying she wouldn't step into the corridor and seeing us walking back. We'd missed dinner, letting time get away from us. I personally didn't want to be caught dusty, dirty, clearly full, in the possession of Zonko's and Honeyduke's treats. I didn't see Pringle, the ancient caretaker, heading straight towards us.

'Pringle!' I hissed at the others. I gripped Lily's arm and yanked her behind the Statue of Dorgis the Disgusting. I whispered 'mischief managed', tapping my wand against the parchment, watching the lines fade away. Lily grabbed it off me and jammed it into the deep pocket of her robes. A brave but wise mood, as I was laden down with sweets and Zonko's stuff. She pressed back into the darkness and gripped my arms. Furtively, I glanced through the curve of Dorgis' arm. Pringle was shuffling along the corridor, muttering incoherently to himself. I could see Sirius and Remus hidden behind a huge tapestry further along the corridor. Sirius silently signaled to me and I flattened out my hand, pressing it down, telling him to stay down, stay quiet until I said. I had a better view than them. Pringle started singing quietly, chuckling every now and then. He was almost past Lily and I. Lily sighed and relaxed against me. But Pringle froze. He turned and looked straight at the statue. I think my eyes were the size of dinner plates. Lily gripped my arms even tighter. She had more to risk than we did, being a prefect. Pringle shuffled towards the statue, and twisted his head to lean around and look behind. To find us.

'Apollyon!' McGongall's voice drifted down the corridor. Pringle turned his ancient head and looked away down the corridor. 'Apollyon, have you been using the old torture instruments? I heard from a Potions student that they've been moved around and if you haven't been maintaining them, then I can start finding out which student has been using them.'

Pringle shuffled away, his croaky old voice drifting back. We heard the sound of a dungeon door close. Lily looked like she was going to pass out. I grabbed her hand, slipped out from behind the statue and hurried down the corridor to the tapestry Sirius and Remus were behind. While Lily's eyes were locked on the closed door up head, I whacked Sirius through the tapestry, grinning at the muffled yelp before he and Remus tumbled out.

'That was close,' Remus gasped.

'They're coming!' Lily whispered. 'Go!'

The door creaked as it opened but by the time it was fully opened we were tearing back up the stairs in the Entrance Hall. We didn't stop running until we reached the Fat Lady's portrait. Sirius wheezed 'Bezoar' and she swung open. With and laugh a sigh of relief, we fell into the chairs by the fire. Our hearts slowly began to slow… but mine sunk. And I turned. Peter was standing on the steps to our dorm, looking down at us. No one else had seen him. I opened my mouth to explain, but he shook his head and slowly headed up the stairs, shoulders slumped and head down.

Crap.


	12. Chapter 12

I never mentioned the fact that Peter had seen us. He never mentioned it either. I felt guilty as hell for a few days but, by the time full moon rolled around, I'd forgotten all about it. Peter seemed to as well. Anyway, it was late at night, the night before full moon, and Remus, Sirius, Peter and I were sitting on our beds, throwing dirty socks at each other and calmly discussing what we would do the next night. Well, calm for us, anyway.

'Why don't you just eat your foul sock and be done with it, Peter, you never want to do anything good!' Sirius was pouting. No, I'm serious. The boy's bottom lip could easily rival that of a giraffes. I never knew a human being's lip could hang so low.

'Stop it, Padfoot, he probably just wants a night off,' Remus berated gently. 'I know I do sometimes…'

We all went silent for a moment. Then-

'Let's invite Lily.'

'Are you serious!'

'Why yes, yes I am.'

'Shut up.' I cut him off. 'She could get badly hurt! She can't transform, she'd be susceptible to a werewolf bite!'

I felt a stab of guilt when I said it aloud like that, as though it was disgusting. Usually, I called it Remus' 'hairy little problem'. People mostly thought he had a wild cat or something. The teachers knew, they glared at me whenever I said it. But a grin and they were handled. I still didn't want to hurt one of my best mates though.

Remus nodded at me. 'James is right, Lily can't know.'

Sirius grumbled under his breath. 'Imagine if we told Snivellus. The idiot would go chasing after us to see if it's true…' He looked up and was met with three identical glares. He shrugged. 'Well, it'll get that idiot back for telling my family that I was planning on being an Auror, won't it?'

We didn't bother answering. Instead, us marginally sane ones (not Sirius) put our heads together and planned.

I was in my own little world. We had discussed out plans until late, going over and over what we needed to do, where we were going and what terrors we were planning on inflicting upon nearby people. Sirius had been strangely quiet. Normally, he's the one firing ideas. But I think that fact that he hadn't been anywhere near Susan in ages (probably because she called him a troll faced pig) was getting to him. I was the only one who knew that Lily knew about Remus' illness. But still, I didn't want her or anyone else getting involved.

'You done that essay yet?'

I groaned. The person in question was hot on my tail, Susan and Bianca trailing more slowly after her.

'If I said I hadn't, would you be very disappointed?'

'Yes.'

'Then yeah, I did ten inches, all top class stuff. You'll be proud.'

'Potter!' Her fist whacked into my chest and I grabbed at my shirt over my heart. 'Oh! Oh, you broke it!'

'I'll more than that if you're not careful.'

Automatically, my hand went between my thighs. 'Ok, so I haven't done it, so sue me. I'll have it done tomorrow, anyway. Why? Need help?'

'No, I was going to ask you the same thing. And why not tonight?' She shot me a look so foul it would have made a troll keel over and die.

'I'm busy.'

'Doing what?''

'Studying.'

'Liar.'

I turned to her and shook my head dramatically. 'You know, lily, our relationship can't _grow_ if you keep doubting me like this.' I gripped her shoulder. 'Let go. I'm here. I'm safe. Our love will flourish and burn as bright as the stars and-'

I ducked as she swatted at me with her hand and tore off down the hall. What? The less she knew about what we did on the full moon, the better.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: _Hey guys, thanks for the reviews! Firstly, yeah, I'm sorry, I stuffed up over the whole 'last day of school' thing. I took about three weeks off between writing Chapter 9 and 10 and kinda forgot what I wrote… Anyway, I deleted that line. Chapter 9 is based in early March, which explains the whole 'go for a swim' idea that Sirius came up with. I skipped Christmas for the pure reason that I'm too lazy to write all about the food and the like._

_The Lily change-of-heart thing will be explained a lot later in the story, by Lily herself. The question actually gets raised in this chapter. Look out, it's not what you might be thinking. I have my own theories on the girl's motives. A whole philosophy on her. Sorry, I can't help myself, I have a passion for analyzing human behaviour._

_Currently, it's their sixth year, heading into exams. Any glitches in the storyline I do apologise for. I tend to write the story late at night on weeknights so the whole working all day thing kinda screws up my perception of time. Let me know if I mess something up and I'll change it as soon as I can. Keep reading!_

The common room was especially quiet. I felt a little uneasy. Something was going to happen. Remus had just been taken down to the Whomping Willow with a teacher to transform. I was playing Wizarding Chess with Sirius and, stranger still, winning. I never won against Sirius. Yeah, he was a Gryffindor, but the guy was a conniving little rat too. I knew I should be studying, my first exam was in less than a week. But honestly, I couldn't be bothered. Lily was at another table with Bianca, pouring over a huge old dusty book. I glanced at her and frowned. Ok, so I wasn't the best on what people are like and what drives them to do certain things, but there was something about her that was niggling at my brain.

Or maybe I was just hankering for some roaming across the country side. No, not Zeus-style. I'm not as randy as he supposedly is. Was. Is said to be. I guess it all depends on your perception of the gods.

Great, now I'm rambling in my own head. Yeah, Jimmy, that's healthy.

I glanced up at the precise second that Lily lost her temper. I reckon the few of us still in the common room almost smacked our heads on the high ceiling in shock as she slammed the book closed. I also reckon I was the only one to see the envelope tucked in the front of the book float down into her lap. She scooped it up and tucked it back in behind the cover. Whispering something to Bianca, she trudged upstairs, books balanced precariously in her arms. Bianca just shook her head and shuffled over to where Sirius and I were sitting.

'I don't know what's wrong with her.'

Sirius looked up, frowning. 'What do you mean? She's been really friendly with us lately, I'd say that's a bonus. Especially for young Jamsiepoo here.' He shot me a malicious grin with I glowered back at the evil pooch.

Bianca looked uncertain. She probably felt the same way I felt. Lily wasn't exactly prone to spontaneous burst of energy or changes in personality. She wasn't exactly bipolar. Although, lately…

Sirius shrugged, staring down at the chess board almost devoid of black pieces. His king was shaking his tiny ivory fist up at him in frustration. He looked ready to revolt.

'I don't know, maybe the exams are getting to her.' He looked at the expression on my face. 'What! I'm no Seer, I can't tell you what's going to happen or what the silly little girl thinks!'

Bianca sighed and shook her head. Maybe she knew what I knew. Sirius was impossible to speak to in a mood like this. 'Night, guys.'

She wandered upstairs just as Sirius stood. The common room was empty now, except for us. 'Wormtail had the right idea, I'm going to get some sleep. Wake me up at eleven.'

He turned and swaggered up the stairs, leaving me to blink after him. It was ten o'clock already… what sleep did he think he was going to get now?

I shrugged and slowly started packing up the chess board, grinning to myself at the panicking pieces as they struggled to push themselves out of the velvet grooves they sat in. Eventually, they gave in and relaxed, looking like entirely normal chess pieces. Setting the ornate wooden box neatly on the table, I turned and gazed into the fire. I wouldn't be able to sleep even if I wanted to. My mind was still humming with questions. What Sirius' problem was, why Susan was suddenly so distant, why Lily was suddenly attached to us, why Bianca was spending more time around Susan and leaving Lily with us, how I was going to survive the exams, how Remus was doing, how my parents were… I frowned to myself. Fair enough, my parents were busy, but I hadn't heard from them in over a week. They hadn't replied to my letter.

All of these thoughts disappeared and I whirled around, whipping out my wand as the light footsteps floated to my ears. Someone was running…

'James!' Lily appeared, hair wild, nightgown flying, feet bare. She looked terrified.

In her hand, she clutched the map. Our map. It took my brain a second too long to remember that she'd slipped it into her pocket on our way back from Hogsmeade. And we'd all forgotten about it.

'I forgot… I found it… when I was getting ready for bed…' Her eyes were wild and I grabbed her shoulders as she swayed. 'Look, James, look!'

I snatched the map from her and felt her lean into me. My eyes scanned the map but she had to stab her finger at it, her entire body trembling, for me to see it.

A little dot was darting along the line of the Dark Forest, appearing to slip from one tree to the next, heading for the Whomping Willow. Where they'd taken Remus. A little dot labeled…

'It's Severus. I saw Sirius… Severus said something to him and Sirius… he pulled him aside and… James, please!' She looked up at me, eyes wild and terrified. 'I know you don't get along, but we have to go for help! We have to!'

I dropped the map and sprinted to the window, catching a glimpse of a shadow slipping between the trees. He was already close. With a long branch in his hand.

'It'll be too late,' I gasped, looking around wildly. Turning, I sped towards the portrait, gesturing behind me wildly. She couldn't follow me, if she did… the thought made me feel sick. 'Trust me Lily, stay here! Just stay! Trust me!'

The last I saw of her was her standing before the map, staring after me, face stricken and looking scarily beautiful and naïve in her white nightgown.


	14. Chapter 14

I think it's fair to say that I've hardly ever been so shit scared since that night. Remus, without us there, was wild. He was capable of anything. And the fact that a willing human was walking straight into what can only be called his lair was terrifying to me. One of my best mates would be expelled… two, if they found out that it was Sirius who had tipped Snape off about Remus. I was furious at him. He was only thinking of scaring the kid, he usually was smarter than this! Unless… but that idea made me feel sick.

I stumbled down the front steps and by the time my feet hit the grass they were hooves. I transformed as I ran and, within second, I was galloping at full speed across the grounds, hearing the wind whistle through my half grown antlers. After all, I was still a teenager. That means I wasn't yet a full grown stag.

I knew that Lily would be watching. I knew she'd be able to see only the white stag kicking up the tufts as it tore across the grounds. And I knew that she'd come to only one conclusion.

I skidded to a halt before the still frozen limbs of the willow. I transformed back into my more common form and slithered between the branches. A jolt of fear shocked me as I saw the outer limbs begin to sway. I moved faster. Too slow. A branch whipped across the back of my head as I dove for the hole. I felt the blood trickle down the back of my nek as I slithered through the gap between the roots. The familiar claustrophobia closed in around me and I felt the bile rise in my throat. Finally, the soil stopped pressing in around me and I staggered to my feet, crouched low.

A figure was ahead of me, inching closer.

'Severus!' My voice came out low, husky. Urgent.

He turned and glared at me. 'Potter! I knew it, I'm going to let everyone know that Dumbledore is hiding a…' He was still heading towards the opening.

'Severus, no!'

I tore after him and he ran. He never hesitated. Running up the stairs, two at a time, he ignored the dangerous creaking beneath his feet. My eyes locked on his back and I knew I couldn't turn back. If I did, he'd be dead, Remus would be shunned and probably killed and Sirius would have his wand snapped and be expelled. And that was the good news.

Snape stumbled to a stop outside the heavy oak door at the end of the hall. I reached him way too late. He reached out, turned the door knob and pulled.

I never saw Remus. I heard the menacing growl, I saw Severus' face collapse and grabbed the back of his shirt as his wand hand lifted. A bark. Heavy footfalls. A dark shadow leaping from beyond the doorway. I hauled Snape towards me and thrust my wand towards the door. I never uttered a word, but the door slammed shut and, with a crash and a crunch, Remus slammed into it. He howled and stratched at the wood, barking wildly.

My fist had a death grip on Severus' robes and I bodily hauled him away. He was too shocked, too stunned to even speak aloud his outrage. His normally pale face was red and I heaved him along the passage, down the stairs, running as we went. It wasn't until we both slithered out from beneath the willow, my hand automatically slamming into the knot on the trunk and we were well free of the reach of the swinging branches did we stop and breathe. Severus was sitting in the cold grass, head between his knees, wheezing. I was standing a few feet away, watching him. What on earth did Sirius say to make him think he could take on a werewolf? Surely he must have known the danger… I hated the slimy git. Hated him. But there was no way I was going to let a kid my age die.

'Mr Potter. Mr Snape.'

We looked up. Dumbledore was standing a few feet in front of us, his face white. McGonagall was beside him, in her customary tartan dressing gown. And right behind them, her green eyes locked disbelievingly on mine, was Lily.

'I swear sir, I never told anyone about Remus!' I stared pleadingly across the desk at Dumbledore. He looked as if he believed me, it was McGonagall who's eyebrows where threatening to disappear into her hairline. Snape, standing beside me, was still silent. He hadn't said a word.

Dumbledore nodded gravely. 'I believe you, Mr Potter. Now, I believe we need to have a word with Mr Snape about Remus' condition.' He fixed me with a stern look. 'I don't know who said what and what their intentions were. Frankly, I don't think I want to. But we are all facing the same enemy.' He sighed. 'We are not going to get through this in one piece if we keep fighting each other. I know you two don't get along, but I suggest you behave a little more like the grown wizards you try to be and at least respect each other. You're two very intelligent students, two of the best. Please behave wisely.'

It seemed I was dismissed. I nodded my thanks at Dumbledore and stepped out into the cool air on the spiral steps. Slowly, they began to turn and I bit my lip as I felt myself decend. There was a lot that needed discussing. And Sirius… what a complete wanker! I felt my blood begin to pump violently through my veins. He'd endangered Remus and Snape and, without knowing it, me. Some mate…

Lily was waiting for me in the common room. The map was nowhere to be seen so, naturally, I assumed she'd hidden it. I looked at her white face and sighed. It wasn't until she lifted her head and actually looked at me that I realized she'd been crying.

'Lily..?'

She bit her lip and swallowed hard, staring up at me. I scuffed over towards her and sat down, my hand resting between her shoulder blades. Of course, I asked the dumbest question imaginable.

'Are you ok?'

She choked out a half laugh-half sob and nodded. Wiping her eyes with her fingers she sniffed and turned to look at me. Her lip was red raw with bite marks.

'All I saw,' she whispered, her voice strained as if she'd just spent three hours screaming. 'was a white stag galloping across the grounds. And then, in the shadow of the willow, it turned into a human.'

My head dropped. I knew she'd figure it out. Merlin, I never thought she was stupid! I'd always thought she had a brain buried beneath all that red hair, but something inside me had hoped…

'Oh…' _Yeah, great, James, just grunt at her, that'll sort everything out…_ With a sigh, I told her. My voice was a monotone as I described how we figured out about Remus and his illness, how we wanted to help him and make the experience less painful, how we researched and planned for two years and, finally, how we transformed in our fifth year into a shaggy black dog, a rat and a stag. Lily's face never changed. She just watched me intently as I spoke, my hands clutched together, my head lowered. I could barely look at her, but for the occasional glances. After I finished, we sat there in silence.

Eventually, she patted my hand and smiled. Standing, she dropped a kiss on my bowed head and headed up the stairs to her own dorm.

She wouldn't tell.


	15. Chapter 15

The snow had stopped falling and the trees basically looked like skinny naked old men (yeah, disgusting, I know) standing to attention in the growing warmth. What! I didn't come up with that, that was Peter's stupid interpretation! Lily's was a little more artistic.

'Wow…' she breathed the word, her eyes wide as she gazed dreamily out of the frosty window. 'It's like they absorb everything around them, like they have a million years worth of knowledge stored deep inside…'

That was when Peter decided to chuck in his opinion.

Bianca, Lily, Peter, Remus and I were in the common room. Lily had been gazing woefully out of the window while Remus and I sweated over our essays. Peter was holding a somewhat one sided conversation with Bianca. It didn't look like her heart was in it.

My hand had thrown away my quill and I'd stood up, stretching my legs and walking over to join Lily. Her forehead was pressed into the glass, her face white. I frowned and looked at her closer, but she turned to look at me and grinned. 'Get back to work, Potter!' I smiled charmingly and leaned back against the wall, folding my arms. 'Make me, woman.'

The raised eyebrows told me I'd gone a step too far. I held up my hands in mock surrender. With a smile, she glanced over at the others. Bianca was pretending to read a book while Peter chattered away, blissfully unaware that she was wishing she could disappear. Remus was intent upon his essay, face white, looking exhausted. I pulled a face and looked at Lily. 'Where's Susan?'

To her credit, her face remained dead calm. She shrugged, not looking at me. 'Don't know…'

'Don't care?' I finished the modern proverb and stared down at the floor beneath my bare feet.

She didn't answer, instead she stared at me, hard. She'd taken in more than I thought. 'Where's Sirius.'

'With Susan.'

'Don't know, don't care?'

'That seems correct, yes.'

She sighed and tugged on a lock of her hair. 'How's your hand?'

I lifted it level with my eyes, scrutinizing the bloody pulp that was my fist. 'Looking a lot better than Sirius' face, I can assure you.' I smiled wryly. Sirius, Peter and I had never gone down to meet Remus. Instead, I'd stormed into our room, bellowing and ranting and had laid into Sirius with all the force in my body. I was so furious. Not only that he'd put Remus, Snape and I in danger but that if I had given Lily a split second longer to think, she would have argued and stormed after me. Not to mention the fact that he'd put Remus' illness in jeopardy, not to mention my… ability.

'Are you ok, Lily?'

She jolted and looked up at me. It wasn't easy to miss the fear and pain in her eyes. But it was gone in a second and I was left to wonder if I'd imagined it. I decided to let it fly.

'Exams soon.'

'Yep.'

'You ready?'

'Are you?'

'Nup.'

'Me either. Can you Apparate yet?'

I opened my mouth to answer and hesitated. 'Well…' Lily's head swiveled. 'Alright, fine, I splinched myself when I was in second year and my Dad patched me up.'

'Where were you headed?'

I squirmed. Her smile grew. 'James..?' She poked me in the waist. 'Spill the beans!'

I muttered something and she gave me a sever prod. 'Oww!'

'So I can hear, boy!'

'I was aiming for the girls bathroom in The Three Broomsticks.'

'Why, did going to the boys toilets turn you on too much?'

I glowered at her. 'I was going to play a prank on you.'

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. 'That was you!' Yeah. That was me. A leg left behind and me balancing on one foot on one of the sinks, toppling over and smacking my head into the tiles, my enlarged spiders scattering as the jar smashed and crawling all over me…

It wasn't pleasant.

'I've never heard a more girly scream…'

'I'm never girly!'

She nodded solemnly. Then her hand swung into view and a hairy black spider dropped onto my nose.

I screamed.

Bloody females.

'James?'

It'd been a long time since I'd heard him call me by that name. Usually it was Prongs. I turned and fixed him with a look that offered matching panda eyes. Still, I couldn't help but feel guilty at the red marks and the black eye which adorned my so called best mate.

'Look James, I was a right git for what I did and short of snogging the guy, I've been and apologized to Snivellus-'

'You should stop calling him that.'

He blanched and nodded. 'Yeah… just wondered if maybe…'

'Forget it. We're cool.'

'Yeah… yes.' He nodded and stared into space. 'I spoke to Susan.' It was the tone of his voice which had me look at him closer. His face was carefully calm, but just beneath… he was mad.

'We need to have a word with Miss Evans.'


	16. Chapter 16

My head was bent over the parchment in front of me. I was about three questions from the pain of sixth year being over but I was stumped. Just stumped.

_Name the three Unforgivable Curses and explain what they each do to the victim. _

Crucio, Avada Kedavra and… And… Merlin, I could never bloody remember this one! I lifted my head and looked around. Remus was scribbling away, Petter was chewing on his quill and Sirius was leaning casually back in his seat, hair falling into his eyes. Like usual. He grinned at me. His swollen eye was slowly fading and his face looked almost normal. He still had the girls swooning over him. Just a glance around the room showed me three girls with their eyes locked on my best mate. I shook my head and stared down at my parchment, struggling to think clearly.

No good.

Bloody Evans. She'd played us for a bunch of fools. She'd just gone ahead and screwed with us. All of us. Susan had figured it out and told Sirius the day after I gave his face some colour. I couldn't get the idea that I'd been sucked in by that stupid bitch out of my head. Resting my forehead in my hand, I bit my lip and let the thoughts swish around inside my head.

'Money,' Sirius had said to me, just the other day. 'It's always money.' He shook his head, looking at me pityingly. 'Susan told me that she was sucking up to you to pretty much feed off you. To use you. Us. All of us… she's been stealing from us. Not just money, but ideas. Susan said she has high plans for herself and she's been using people to gain influence and to steal ideas for years.'

I'd looked at him, disbelieving. 'You believe that?'

He had ticked off his fingers. 'She suddenly becomes best mates with us, she keeps our map, she helped us with our essays, going through our books… our _books_, James.' He looked at me intently and my heart sank. The notes… in the margin… the old spells, the tips for becoming Animagi… the hints that Remus… And I then suddenly remembered small things… very small things that had meant nothing to me at the time.

'_Can I borrow a galleon?'_

'_Where are you going for Christmas?'_

'_Mind if I borrow your book?'_

'_Why did you write that..?'_

'_Wow, how much money do you have?'_

'No…'

'James?'

I had looked up at him and he shook his head sadly. 'James, you might want to check your trunk. I think something might be missing.'

He had been right. My cloak. My invisibility cloak. And half of my money. I stared up at Sirius.

'Let's wait until after our exams.'

Now here I was, poised on the verge of stuffing up my exam purely because Lily Evans had, yet again, pissed me off. She seemed to have developed a talent at that. I should have continued that plot to make her into a mini Medusa.

But what got to me, what really peeved me off, was the fact that she'd gone through my stuff and taken my cloak. Stolen it. My father gave it to me and I was waiting until after my bloody exams to get back my inheritance. I was planning on handing that to my own son and now it was sitting in the bottom of the trunk of a thief.

Furiously, I scribbled on my parchment.

_Imperius._

Sirius and I were standing at the foot of the steps to the girls dormitory. Both of us had our brooms behind us, out of sight on the couch. We knew Lily would come down soon and our faces were blank, carefully impersonal. My heart had resided somewhere in the region of my stomache and a voice was niggling in the back of my mind. I had a strange sense that she was innocent, that she had done nothing wrong… but what about all the stuff that was missing? It wasn't just mine. _Then again, _that voice nudged my mind again,_ why was she looking so miserable...?_ I shook my head. This was too confusing, Confront, and let it be over with.

A door slammed somewhere above our heads and light footsteps pattered down the stone stairs. A little girl in a dark dress appeared… a little girl who was really sixteen. With riveting green eyes and long, dark red hair.

'James…? Sirius…?' Lily stopped a few steps higher than us, her face pale. 'What's wrong?'

I looked directly into her eyes. 'I want my stuff back. So do the rest of us. Now.'


	17. Chapter 17

'What?'

Her voice was wavering, soft, weak. She looked so utterly shocked that we'd figured it out. I shook my head and took a step forwards as Sirius reached behind the sofa and grabbed our broomsticks. 'Lily, I want my cloak back. You can keep the money, but I want my cloak. Sirius wants his stuff too.'

'My mirrors,' he said, and I blinked in surprise. We used those mirrors when one or the other of us was in detention. 'That gold necklace with the family crest on it. I want it back. All of it.'

'But… I…'

'Lily, don't make me do this.'

She was shaking her head again and again and she looked so utterly pathetic. People behind us were stepping forwards and my eyes flashed over the stunned face of Bianca, Remus' wide eyes, Peter's confused expression. But Lily now lifted her eyes and looked at someone behind me. 'No…' she whispered.

I took a step forwards and my foot landed on the bottom step of the stairs. The stairs disappeared and turned into a slide. Lily shriek and I leapt out of the way, catching my broomstick as Sirius threw it towards me and within a second, Padfoot and I were tearing up the now stone slide.

When Lily found us, Sirius and I were sitting on her back, surrounded by her clothes, books… and our stuff. My cloak. A bag of money. A silver chain. Sirius' gold necklace. The matching set of mirrors. The Marauders Map. Some silver hair pins.

I looked up as she walked in, tears streaming down her face. It took so much effort to keep from asking her why. Sirius was flicking through one of her books, tearing out one page of notes after another. A diary. With references to us. I stared at Lily. And shook my head.

'You bitch.'

I didn't speak to her. Oh, she wrote to me, one owl after another tapping at my window over the holidays. My mother asked me why I didn't answer her. I hadn't seen Lily on the train home, nor in Kings Cross and I bloody well didn't want to. As far as I cared, that thieving little bitch could rot in hell. She used us. The sweetest, oh so lovely creature of Hogwarts used us.

Sirius stayed with me, of course. He'd left home ages ago, sick of his parents and their pure blood mania. He figured that living with someone else's nice parents was better than being with a psychotic inbred family. That and I was too interesting a person.

We were both determined to become Aurors, like my father, and we spent as much of the Summer holidays as we could stand studying. By August I had stopped staring at the envelopes address with Lily's little neat hand and began to automatically chuck them in the fire.

We lived on an average sized property and, as I mentioned before, have our own House Elf. The manor was inherited by my father after his parents passed away but he believed in making his own fortune. As did I. After Sirius spent the first Summer here, they were already willing to adopt him. As my mother pointed out 'He's a nice boy… a little rough around the edges but still nice.'

This is high praise, considering he was brought up in something akin to a mental institution.

When our letters from Hogwarts finally arrived, I almost threw mine in the fire by habit. I was used to spotting Remus' and Peter's handwriting and the fact that it was neither had my hand gliding towards the flames.

Lucky. I don't think Dumbledore would have been too impressed with my Head Boy badge ending up in cinders before the first day. I stared at it in shock. I hadn't even been elected Prefect! I shook out the extra letter.

_Mr Potter,_

_I assume that you would be a little concerned as to why I have chosen you as Head Boy. Firstly, your heroic efforts last year contributed a great deal. I believe that you have a lot to offer our school and the sudden maturing during last year showed me that you are entirely capable of posing as the student's representative._

_Secondly, considering who your female counterpart is, I know that this year will run smoothly in the hands of two very capable young adults._

_I look forward to seeing the affects of the potent partnership between you and Misss Evans in your final year._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Sirius and I stared at each other.

'_Evans_?'


	18. Chapter 18

Evans. Evans, bloody Evans. I had to deal with her betraying ass last year, thinking she actually gave a damn and now I have to help her represent the students of Hogwarts.

Bring on the fireworks.

Was I looking forward to my final year? Was the excitement building up that I know had the responsibility of looking after everyone my age and younger? Was the idea giving me slight panic attacks and cold sweats?

Yup.

Was I excited about working with dear old Lily Evans for a whole year?

Nup.

Sirius, dear friend that he is, went through the motions of terrorizing me, what with my (so he called it) sudden and unexpected rise to power. He lectured me, pacing back and forth at the foot of my bed, face pompous, explaining how this was my 'breakthrough' into the 'political scene'.

My parents were thrilled. Dad, like I said before, was an Auror. Mum; a healer. She could fix anything, from a paper cut to a punctured spleen. She had this way with people, this undeniable glow. I don't know how else to describe it. It didn't matter what mood you were in, when she walked in the room and smiled the sky split open and angels flew out. Well, that's what Dad said anyway, personally I think it's soppy. I told my dear father as such and he just laughed and nodded, telling me that I'll say the same about whatever amazing woman I end up being with.

Vomit inducing, I know.

So Dad gave me the manly clap on the back and Mum smiled brightly at me and yeah, Dad did have a point with the whole brightening the room thing. She was beautiful, my Mum. And this isn't the ranting of a Mummy's boy. I love her. She's one of those mother's who is always there but never actually smothers. She let me make my mistakes. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have learnt.

My parents, Henry Potter and Julie Newand, are the classic love story. Without the poison and the dagger in the end. They met through their parents, not hard considering they're both from old Wizarding families, and they hit it off. They were only ten. They became great friends and remained so during their Hogwarts years. And, you know the story. Friends turn to couple turn to lovers turn to husband and wife. I hate to sound all dreamy and yuk but there are times when I've seen Mum touch Dad's hand and they both just seem to… well, light up. The tiniest smile, the old sparkle in Dad's eyes, the glow in Mum's cheeks… And I grin every time I see it. What, I can't help it!

But I think that was one of the main reasons Sirius loved to stay at mine so much. He had his own room in our wedding cake of a house and was treated just like a son. I adopted him as my brother. We argued, we play fought, we mucked around and we exasperated our parents. But Sirius is my brother. Always will be. I remember being fifteen and Mum tripping over a stack of Exploding Snap cards, the stack (typically) exploding and her launching into a torrent of abuse which went something along the lines of '… _you two boys learn, I'll never know, why can't you put your things away instead of leaving them lying around to explode under people_…'

And then the bombshell.

'_JUST YOU TWO WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME_!'

I swear I have never seen Sirius or my mother look so stunned. They both stared at each other for a good thirty second before Mum swept over (yes, swept) and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, planting a big fat disgusting kiss on his forehead which promptly turned magenta.

That was the day he became my brother.

So my _brother_ tortured me about the concept of working all year with Evans. He didn't stop, not even when the two of us were standing, trunks packed and quietly sitting beside us, gazing at the bright red Hogwarts Express as the smoke billowed from the flume. I can't help it. Every time I see that train it sets off a slight explosion in the region of my chest. Just the excitement of another year at school, surrounding myself with friends and, I must admit, I miss the full moons.

Sirius, standing beside me and pretending her was oblivious of the admiring looks from the girls around him, looked at me and wiggled his eyebrows.

'So are you and Evans going to… er… _study_ together this year?'

It didn't deserve a response. So I didn't give one. He tried again. 'I hear you have to meet up in the prefects' carriage and give a pep talk.'

I rolled my eyes. Secretly, I'd been hoping he'd have dropped the whole 'Potter and Evans' crap but hey, you have to be wrong sometimes. His grin would have rivaled that of the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. Yeah, I'd seen it. My parents insisted I get some culture into me, so they bombarded me with Muggle stuff when I was younger. Consequently, I blitzed Muggle Studies.

Remus and Peter barreled into us and we dragged our stuff onto the train. Leaving them to find a compartment, Remus and I fished out our badges, pinned it to our shirts and headed towards the front of the train. Snape slithered passed us and, quite literally, hissed. Little first and second years scooted around us. I shook my head. It no longer seemed possible that I could have been that small once not so very longer ago.

I slipped into the compartment. A few prefects were already there, tugging nervously on their robes. I smiled at them as Remus sat down opposite me and I started with the painful formalities. I recognized a couple of them. Quidditch players.

The door slid open again with an explosion of noise. The rest of the prefects, all laughing, almost fell inside, followed closely by a smiling Evans. I stared at her and she looked up at me, swallowed, then turned to face the others.

'Right, let's get started.'


	19. Chapter 19

I never gave her a chance to speak to me. I leant back against the frame of the carriage door and scanned everyone around me as Evans spoke. You had to hand it to her, the girl could belt out a speech. She went into a great spiel about how this was going to be the best year ever, that she had a heap of trust (insert snort) in each and every one of them and how she knew they'd do so well. Then what our duties were, what we needed to run through, blah blah blah.

She finished and the carriage fell silent. I knew I was supposed to speak but I just lazed back against the frame, arms folded.

'Er… James? Do you have anything to say?'

James? James? That matchstick wench had the nerve to use my first name? I just looked at her until her face began to morph into what looked strangely like a tomato. Then I shrugged carelessly. 'Nuh.'

She blinked and looked around at the smirking prefects and Remus' thoughtful expression then shot me a look which once long ago would have had me thinking 'oh sweet Merlin's shit'. 'You sure?'

I straightened up, flicked my wrist and pranced over. 'Oh, for _sure_ Lily! We have _got_ to upkeep the fashion end this year so _everyone_ has to wear pink at least once every week!' I turned to face the others with a smile on my face so dohey that it sickened even me. 'Oh, you all look so _wonderful_! I'm, like, _so_ proud of you! And one last thing…' My voice reverted back to it's real baritone rather than the overly fake soprano and I folded my arms again. 'Unless you want to be known as the Bogey Queen and or King, don't screw up. Thanks guys, you can go hang with your mates now.'

They laughed and filtered out of the room. Remus signaled that he'd meet me back at the compartment and left me alone. With _it_. Smiling brightly, I turned to face the Human Leach behind me.

'Was that a good enough speech, Lilikins? I think maybe I should work on my presentation. You know, I don't think I had the wrist movements down pat…' I practiced in front of her face, flicking my hand down and pushing my chest out. 'Maybe I should use the word "darling" more often…'

'Are you happy now?'

'Ecstatic, thank you for asking.'

She shook her head. 'This is our final year and, whether we like it or not, we have to work together. I know you're a bit upset-'

'Upset!'

'-but we have to make do.' She glared at me hard enough that I, shamefully, shut my face. She brushed past me and some treacherous part of me in the region of my chest jolted as she touched me. 'And one more thing. Do not call me Lilikins!'

'Sorry, dearest Lilian!' I bellowed as she slammed the door shut. I glared at the mahogany door then sank into my seat. Great. I had to deal with Queen Witch Bitch all year, my parents were all up for getting involved in this bloody war which, until these past holidays, I had barely realized was going on and I had to focus on passing my exams so I could become and Auror and fight too… Is it always like this when you're an adult? If so, kill me now.

Slapping my hands onto my knees, I stood and headed for the door.

Five minutes later, I wwas drenched. Trust Sirius. He had held off from the 'Head Boy' pranks far too long so he'd taken all his resources and the second I stepped into their compartment a total of fifteen buckets of water, all dyed in different colours and freezing bloody cold, dropped on my head.

'Refreshing,' I muttered, shaking the water from my head.

Remus was pouring through his newest book, the tiny smile in his eyes the only hint that he'd found the prank amusing. 'Padfoot figured you may need to cool off after your first meeting with Evans.'

I grunted manfully and fell into a seat. Peter, giggling madly, dried me with a quick spell. Unfortunately, he, Remus and Sirius fell into a fresh bout of laughter. I sighed. I had a hunch at what I looked like and 'walking rainbow' didn't really come close. I sighed and tried to think up a good spell to erase my mate-inflicted gay appearance. I failed dismally. Instead, I just glared at Sirius for half an hour until he freaked out and threw down his pack of Exploding Snap which promptly blew up in Peter's face and told me to 'stop staring in that ghoulish scary freaky obscene insecure way, like a homophobe Executioner would stare at a gay condemned man, for Merlin's Sake!'

'Padfoot, you're babbling.'

'Yes. I do that.' He pouted and turned away. Just as the train stopped. My head darted upwards and I frowned. This was not right. I stood and slid open the compartment door, almost yelping as a little redhead barreled into me.

'Evans!'

'Potter, I… why are you multicoloured?' She raised an eyebrow and all but smirked.

'Sirius has a good eye for colour.'

'Thanks, mate.'

'Anytime.'

Lily waved her wand, muttered a spell and I glanced down. My hand was no longer a mixture of blue, red, green and yellow. I relaxed, assuming the rest of me was the same. Evans grabbed my hand and motioned for the others.

'Something's happening… and it's not good.'


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **_Heya guys. It's been a while since I've updated, I know. I've been struggling through writers block. I had a vague idea (much to vague) of the ending to my story. The only problem is, I had no idea how it was going to work and in what stages. So, during a quiet moment at work (which is a rare event in itself), I jotted down some notes, scanned some sites and analysed the characters and relations. I found a loophole that I had created at the beginning of my story and wrote out in point form the finish. Of that, I will say no more._

_Also, I've been a bit ill so I've been spending most of my free time writing. I've got my imagination back, now, and (as you can see) I have stocked up on chapters. _

_Again, if you seen any mistakes, let me know. I'm still writing in a coma-like state so the amount of screwups I make and fix before I stick all of this up for you kiddies to read is phenomenal. I know I missed some._

_I know I'm rambling on a bit and most of you have scanned this before shrugging and heading straight for the real stuff down there… yeah, down there…but I have to mention these guys. Shelly, for your adoration, you're my muse. Sean, love ya, my bwuvva! Bianca, who threatened me with descriptive ideas of torture if I didn't pump out the next chapter within ten minutes. Slave driver. And Cat, who hasn't read this but I still loves her anyway._

_Thanks, kiddies! Ok, I'll shut up now. Read on! _

Sirius and I stood shoulder to shoulder and stared at her maliciously, but Remus (traitor) pushed between us and starting walking up the train, wand out, watching the lights flicker. I sighed and followed, pulling my wand out, shaking off a few droplets of pink water. As we walked, I barked out to the kids sticking their heads out of their compartments to get back inside and keep their wands in reach. Sirius was muttering behind me, Peter snuffling along behind.

'Ok, someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?' Sirius grumbled. Lily glanced over her shoulder, face white, almost as though she knew what was going on and didn't like it. A face appeared in the flickering light before us. It was one of the prefects. He looked up and down the corridor then stepped out, followed by about five others.

'Hey, you want us to go calm the first years? They seem a bit… nervous.'

That was understated, what with the sobs echoing down the corridor. I felt a pang of guilt. They were young and some knew no one, just being thrust onto a train and sent into a strange place with stranger people… I nodded.

'Francis, isn't it?' He smiled weakly. 'Ok, can you go round up the other prefects? Get one in each carriage at least, get the younger ones together and if the lights go out, teach them Lumos.'

Lily's voice floated down towards us. 'Give them some chocolate and crack some jokes. Keep the atmosphere light, make a game out of it or something. We're going to go speak to the driver.'

We headed off and Sirius hissed in my ear. 'Merlin, I like a girl who takes control…'

'Dominatrix and a half.'

Peter snickered behind us, scuttling along. I looked behind us in time to see the white pinched faces staring at our backs as we walked along, wands high, eyes wide. Just in case. It wasn't safe anywhere anymore. In front of me, Remus slipped inside a compartment, speaking in lowered tones to a couple of terrified looking kids. Sirius turned to peer through the glass into one opposite.

I shaded my eyes suddenly as the lights brightened for a long moment then… _bang_!

Darkness.

I frowned, trying to focus my eyes in the pitch darkness. There were a few scared yelps around us… and then I heard the scream.

'Lily!' Remus' voice bellowed out, followed fast by a shakey 'Lumos!'

We all said it at the same time, all but Peter. I looked around, eyes wide. She'd gone. There was no sign of her. Sirius stepped close and hissed in my ear. 'Death Eaters..?'

I shook my head, eyes darting around, lifting my wand high and peering beyond the dome of light we had created. Then…

'_No_!'

I took off. Sirius was hot on my heels and Remus was hastily following, whispering to the fearful faces peering out of the doors. All around us, prefects were darting into dark compartments and lighting them up with their wands, comforting the first years. Me? I was looking for Lily.

Finally, we skidded to a halt in front of a dark compartment. Voices were hissing behind the door and I pressed my ear against it, hearing the odd word filter through. I grabbed the handle and heaved, but the door refused to budge. Remus, Sirius and I leaned into it, Peter standing back, wand trembling as it staryed trained on the door. Another scream ripped through the door and I gave a huge shove. The door gave with a screech of protest and Sirius tripped, landing on Remus.

'Get offa me you great oaf!'

I stumbled inside the compartment. Lily was there, sitting on a seat, staring wide eyed out the window. I stepped over to her, reverting to her surname just in time. 'Evans?'

She turned to slowly look at me. Her eyes were… blank. Wiped. It was scary just looking at those lifeless eyes. I sat beside her and gently shook her shoulder, watching her slowly warming up from the inside out. Seriously, her skin was like ice. She was like… well, you know the Venus De Milo? Like that, only more limbs, more clothes and less height. White. Cold. Frozen. Then…

'Get off me!'

'Oh, but I luuuurve you!' Sirius was waltzing Remus into the room. Lily blinked hard and I could swear a tear slipped out. Shaking her head, she stood and swayed, brushing away my hand as I offered to help her steady herself. I shrugged. 'Come on, you twits, we have to speak to the driver.'

'No need.' Remus had managed to escape his aficionado and was brushing his hair back from his forehead. 'He was in the other compartment with the kids. Apparently they had seen someone on a broom flying along the train and landing on the tracks.'

He walked over to the window and peered out. It had been open when we'd walked in. 'They ran in screaming and told him to stop. So he stopped but it turns out, we have a guard.'

I followed him and stuck my head out, lungs screaming as I breathed in the icy night air. They were hard to spot but the six or so Aurors on the brooms surrounding the train were clear once your eyes settled. How did I know they were Aurors?

My dad waved at me and zoomed back up into the air. I sighed as the lights flickered back on.

'Is that all? What about the lights?'

Remus shrugged, flopping into the seat opposite Lily. 'Maybe because we stopped so fast. But… Lily, how did you end up in here?'

She shrugged and looked away. Peter blinked and Sirius shook his head. 'Yeah, Lilikins, we ain't gonna falll for that. Give us details, you know.' He pranced around. 'The goss, girlfriend, the goss!'

Lily blinked up at him and tilted her head to the side.

'Ok, that's two of you who had acted gay today.'

I grinned. 'Yeah, we learn from-' I stopped short and cleared my throat, standing. It had almost felt normal… Tricky wench. 'We should get back.' I carefully looked anywhere but at her. I felt her stand up beside me and sensed her take a deep breath as though she was about to speak. But Sirius butt in.

'Lily, really. Don't.'

Her eyes widened and she turned to look at him as I slipped out of the door. Walking down the carriage I could still hear him saying, even though his voice was lowered.

'You screwed with my best mate. You proud of yourself? Take a hit, Lilikins. Just stay professional and keep your sneaky little tricks away from him. He's dealing with more than you realize.'


	21. Chapter 21

Alright, I had to deal with being Head Boy, working with Evans, focusing on my exams and worrying about my parents. In the first three weeks, I would have given my right leg to get rid of one of those worries. But not in the way that it happened. Now? Now I would give my right leg to be able to go back, speak to Evans, sort it out and write a letter to Mum and Dad telling them to stay home, not to go out and fight. Remus calmed me down every time my temper snapped. Sirius was useless, he just cracked jokes at my expense and offered the relief of pummeling Snivelus, Peter giggled and the girls were too busy playing with their hair or… whatever. Evans was always alone. Every now and then I spotted her with eyes that clearly spoke of an entire night in silent tears. It raised a few doubts. I couldn't get the image of her sitting in shock in that compartment out of my head. Or of the wide eyed terror and the disbelieving shake of her head… the way the information she had gathered… it didn't seem right. But still… it was in her handwriting. In her trunk. She'd done it. Clearly.

In the first month of school, Evans, Dumbledore and I were sitting in Dumbledore's office, Evans and I in deep, squishy armchairs, carefully not looking at each other. I prodded the armrest absent mindedly and listened to the pfffft as it re-inflated to the size of a small watermelon. I watched it a few times before looking up to find Dumbledore watching it with me. I blinked and he smiled at me.

'I supposed that if it took your full attention then it must be worth watching. Does it do anything else?'

'No sir.'

'Is it still intriguing?'

'I'll have to say yes, sir.'

'Carry on then.'

I returned to my poking of the armchair, ignoring the raised eyebrows. The voices were floating over my head as I stubbornly kept my head lowered. I guess you could say I was suffering from male PMS. I was just in a bad mood, ok? Sirius had decided to prank me again and I'd spent the good part of the morning studying my books, looking for a spell to rid myself of the bright pink fluffy ears adorning my head.

Remus told me it flattered my complexion, but I didn't agree. Bloody Padfoot.

It was the library that Evans found me in, head d ears bent over a huge leather bound book. She had smirked and raised an eyebrow.

'What happened to your head?'

I had just glared up at her.

'Umm… ok…'

Glare.

'Well, anyway, Dumbledore wants to see us at four thirty this evening.'

Glare.

'Something about and meeting and would you stop looking at me like that?'

Glare.

'Ok, fine,' she sighed, turning around and heading out of the library. I glared. And I almost blinked when she turned back, waved her wand and muttered something before turning on her heel and marching out of sight.

I had glared. You know, because I'm so mature and all.

When I was sure she was gone, I had patted my head to find just the normal pair of human ears attached to my head. I frowned. Why the hell was she being… normal?

So here I was, sitting and sulking over the fact that Lily had once again hauled my ass out of an embarrassing situation and bored out of my brain. Don't get me wrong, I had matured, but apparently I could sulk spectacularly. I indulged. But it was the word 'dance' that snapped me out of it.

'What?' I yelped, sitting bolt upright.

Lily and Albus Dumbledore both turned their heads to look at me, Lily wearing an expression of impatience and Dumbledore a look of amusement, as though he had known exactly what I was thinking.

I shivered as I realized he probably had.

With the clipped tone soft someone who'd rather be pummeling the other person (namely me) with their bear fists, Lily explained that she had come up with a plan for a ball for fifth, sixth and seventh years.

I said no.

'Pardon?'

'You're excused,' I answered automatically, catching the glint in Dumbledore's periwinkle blue eye as I said it. 'I said no, no ball.'

'Yes ball.'

'No ball!'

Dumbledore steepled his fingers and just that movement emanated such power that Lily and I shut our traps. He surveyed the both of us over his glasses.

'James, can you give me a few reasons as to why we should reject this idea.'

'Because it's a stupid idea!'

'Any mature objections?'

I felt a thump beneath my ribs as I realized he was unimpressed with me. I straightened my back and lifted my head, reminding myself that I was Head Boy and a seventh year. I had more dignity than this. I struggled for an excuse but they all evaded me. Eventually, I had to answer. 'No, sir, I can't think of any…'

Dumbledore gazed at me, staring at me so hard it felt like he was scanning my mind. Finally, he turned to look at Lily. 'Arguments for?'

She ticked them off on her fingers. 'A night off, creating good relations, a chance to behave like adults, learning to dance, learning etiquette, the opportunity to show off…' The list went on… and on… I was drowning in reasons for and I could not find one reason against. Apart from the fact that I'd have to find someone to go with.

Dumbledore nodded, looked at me, then back at Evans. Nodded again. 'Lily makes a good point, James. A few good points, actually. We shall have this ball on Christmas Eve, like we used to have with the Triwizard Tournament. I'll leave you two to design and organize the proceedings, not to mention informing the general population of it. I suggest you spread the word as soon as you can, the ladies will want to spend a fair bit of time… preparing.' He winked and leaned back in his seat. 'Now, you both have some study to do, so chop chop.'

Evans and I stood and headed for the door. 'Mr Pottter, a word, if I may.'

The voice was laced with tension and Lily, after a glance over her shoulder and a raised eyebrow, disappeared outside the door. Dumbledore was on his feet, fixing me with his piercing blue stare.

'I chose you to be Head Boy for a reason, Mr Potter.' It seems the use of my first name was too gentle. The sound of my surname coming from him felt way too much like a knife in the belly. 'I had hoped you'd be a little more mature about this. I know that you and Miss Evans have had your disagreements in the past and, believe me, I know what has been happening lately. Let me just inform you that Miss Evans is a lot more innocent than she seems to be. There is more to what you and your friends discovered last year than you can imagine. You should give your friends the benefit of the doubt. Especially one such as Lily Evans.'

The entire time he spoke, my feet were rooted to the floor. He nodded and turned away and, with a heavy heart, I slipped from the room.

He had to be wrong. But, then again…


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N 19th Feb:** _Just to keep you kiddlywinks posted, the illness I was talking about has just been diagnosed as Glandular Fever. So when it comes to writing this story, I manage to type for fifteen minutes before I get tired and need a rest. So for the inevitable delays, I am very sorry. Anyway… enjoy!_

**A/N 22nd Feb: **_I've also been told that I have had a long term virus which has lasted nigh on 8 months that the doctors have missed several times. Basically means I'm rooted, but believe me, I'm working on this. Thanks guys._

I returned to the common room to find the traditional fire burning merrily in the fireplace. I stood in the shadow of the arch just inside the common room and scanned the faces for a long moment. The firelight was dancing in the eyes of at least fifteen people as the smiled, joked, teased and scribbled. Padfoot, Wormtail and Moony were sitting together on the floor in the centre of the room. It seemed as if they'd claimed half of the room, their papers were scattered. Even as I watched, Sirius stood and wobbled his way down tiny alleyways between the stacks of books and parchment to pick up one decidedly tattered looking book and return on his tightrope walk back to his seat.

Behind them, beneath the moonlit window, Lily and Bianca sat close together, Lily talking quickly, voice low, and Bianca frowning and pointing at the odd sentence in whatever Lily was scribbling on her piece of parchment resting on the inside of a big, heavy book. I knew what it was. Bloody ball stuff. My eyes burned into Lily's cheek as my mind, yet again, went over the old questions. I shook my head wildly. We saw it. Sirius and I saw it. Even so, Remus seemed torn and Dumbledore…

I tapped my leg absentmindedly with my fingers, took a deep breath and stepped out of the shadows, meandering my way around the mini mountains of school work. I shook my head, trying to shake away the little voice in my head (yes, voice in my head, I said it) that was telling me I was missing something.

'Yo, it's the Jamester! How was the meeting of brilliant minds?' Sirius beamed up at me. Remus looked up and grinned. Peter just sneezed and raised two watery eyes to my face. I sighed and plonked myself on the floor without looking, landing on Remus' essay.

'Whoa, watch your arse!'

I shuffled and folded myself into an impossible and entirely uncomfortable position. Then I informed them of the up and coming celebration.

Peter looked like her was going to faint, Remus gulped and Sirius yelped. Literally yelped. I had to look again to make sure he was still human. Sirius was the first to recover. And the loudest.

'There is no fricken _way_ I'm going to dress up in those _clothes_ and dance like a _toff_!', he bellowed, speak slowly and exaggerating every few words to ensure that yes, I did indeed get the point. Remus shook his head and sighed.

'Don't think we have much choice, Padfoot.'

'Much choice?' he yelped. 'Oh, well here's my choice. I'll break my leg, then I won't have to go.'

Peter, as always, took it literally. 'But they'd be able to fix it in a few minutes…' He shook his head, confused, looking at Sirius as if he had been Confounded.

None of us graced that with an answer.

Remus leaned forwards, elbows on knees, and stared at me furtively. 'This is a good thing, though, for the school. I mean, what with what's going on around here… or out there, it would take people's minds off the war.'

I shook my head, determinedly not watching Sirius who currently looked like he was suffering from a fit. 'You sound like Evans.'

I guess I said it a bit loud. I also guess I should have disguised the disgust in my voice. Anyway, I didn't, and the slamming of the book over at the table behind us made us all just about a foot in the air and I thought Peter wet his pants. I think he did too, because he subtly checked.

Lily was standing, hunched over the table, the heavy book between her hands. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply, her face as red as her hair. Bianca looked stunned. She was leaning back in her chair, watching Lily as if terrified. Then, with a shriek that would shame a banshee, Lily swiped her hand across the table and the book, ink, quills, parchment went flying. She whirled and stormed across the room and up the stairs without once looking back.

Sirius looked at me. 'PMS?'


	23. Chapter 23

Sirius grudgingly accepted the fact that yes, there was going to be a ball and it didn't matter how many times he hexed the tables in Transfiguration to tap dance, it was still going to be him moving his legs instead on the night. At least, that's what McGonagall forced him to accept. He returned from detention last on a Wednesday night, slightly disgruntled. He would have been more so if I hadn't been pulling faces at him for half the time in the pair of mirrors we had.

'Bloody teachers.' He threw his books on the sofa beside me as I twirled my wand between my fingers. I nodded, not listening. I had enough to think about. Quidditch was on Saturday. We were playing Slytherin and they had some vicious beaters so I knew I was in for it. Ok, maybe I had induced the anger slightly, but I still assert that Snape looks a fair bit better with Elephant ears.

We'd had a practice earlier that evening and we'd come out of it… well, miserable. I had called after the others that they were looking really good, really shaping up. Then, when they'd gone, I'd beat my head against the change room wall several times.

Did I mention I was Quidditch captain? Oh. Well, I am.

I know I haven't writing about Quidditch all that much but, like I said at the beginning of all this, it was mostly about Evans. Hell. I just read over the first few pages and I guess I've changed a fair bit, since I started recording all of this. I maintain that it's Evans' fault. Let's just blame her for everything, shall we?

Anyway, Sirius was sulking about writing lines for four hours and Evans herself skulked downstairs. I blinked. It was midnight and she was coming downstairs, dressed?

'Where you going?' Sirius barked, clearly as shocked as I was. Lily jumped and stared at us. She stayed where she was, as if her feet were frozen to the floor, her eyes locked on us. On me. Sirius gave a snort of disgust. 'Not worth it, it's late. Night, James.'

He stalked past Lily, purposefully knocking her sideways as he did before disappearing up the stairs. Lily turned slightly away from me, rubbing her arm. I sighed.

'Come here.'  
'I don't have to do anything you say.' The voice was husky, miserable.

'No, but you should do it anyway. I won't ask again.'

Apparently, I had a very commanding voice and it seemed to appear then because she jumped guiltily and hurried over. She stood in front of me, head down. Submissive. The old, fifth year me laughed at the irony of it.

'You didn't do it. Did you?'

Her head snapped up and she stared at me in complete shock. I had nothing to go by, just this strange notion in my head.

'You don't have any proof.'

Now it was my turn to be shocked. She was denying she was innocent. I bit my lip.

'Did you do it?'

Silence.

'Lily. Did you do it?'

'If I said I did, would you believe me?'

'No.'

'Why?'

'I don't know!' I jumped to my feet, flinging my hands in the air in frustration. She took a step back and my heart gave a heavy thump as she flinched and raised her hands, looking like she thought I was about to hit her. 'I just don't know! It doesn't make any sense, everyone says your guilty but you're not like that! You're better than that!'

Lily looked away, hands twisting together, body shaking.

'Where are you going?'

She didn't answer. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. 'Where are you going!'

'The Owlery!'

'Why!'

'To send a letter, James!' She whipped it out of her pocket and waved it in front of my nose. I snatched for it but somehow she was too fast and she jammed it back deep into her pocket as my hands clamped back onto her shoulders. 'Let me go!'

I tightened my hands on her shoulders and shook my head. 'Who to?'

'It doesn't matter,' she whispered.

'Who to, Lily!'

'Rack off!' She lifted her hands and ripped herself out of my grip. 'Get lost! Just stay away from me, ok? Stay the hell away!'

'Tell me.'

'No.'

I whipped out my wand. 'Don't make me use this.'

'My parents are dead, James!'

I froze, wand tip still an inch from her chest. Her hair was tangled, eyes wild. With a half scream of outrage and confusion, she ran a wild hand through her hair. 'My parents are dead and my sister has been given the house. I have nowhere to go, I would have asked Susan or Bianca but Bianca is going to France in the summer and Susan… well, we're not friends anymore and you…'

She broke off and sobbed, raising two tear filled eyes to me. 'James, just… leave me alone!'


	24. Chapter 24

Now, I don't know about all of you reading along to this, but that shocked me. I had no idea how to confront her and anyway, seeing her standing there just made it slip out. Now, with her turning tail and storming out of the portrait, letter deep in the pocket of her robes, my head really was spinning. This made no sense. Her parents died, but she showed no emotion over it. She's denying the fact that she's innocent of a crime. She can't look at any of us and she only has one friend left, who sometimes doesn't seem to want to be anywhere near her…

Huh?

The diary was nudging at the forefront of my mind again. There must be something in there… I jumped to my feet, shuffling up the stairs to our dorm. It was dimly lit, Remus and Peter snoring in their beds, Sirius sitting upright, pouring over the map.

'She's in the Owlery.' He knew what I was thinking before I opened my mouth. I nodded and walked around Remus' bed to get to his, lifting the lid of his trunk. Sirius didn't look up.

'Lost something?'

'Evans' Diary. Where'd you put it?'

'It's in there,' he said, waving his hand dismissively. 'I gave up ripping pages out and dumped it all in the bottom. There's nothing good in there.'

Sure enough, a mass of crumpled pages and the tattered looking leather book lay in the bottom of his trunk. I scooped the lot out and dropped it with a dull thud onto the floor. Spreading out the pages, I opened the book and set to work putting it all back together.

'Prongs, there's no point, it's obvious she did it.'  
I lifted the book and shook it angrily. 'Is it? Does it say she was stealing stuff in here?'

Sirius blinked and sighed, looking back at the map. 'No… but we found our stuff in her trunk and she never denied it… not properly. No one else could have got into her trunk. And in the carriage on the train, she was up to something… meeting someone like that.'

'Wrong. Why would someone abduct her if she was guilty? Unless they were threatening her.'

Sirius' head snapped up and he stared at me in shock. I grinned.

'Yeah,' I said, feeling nothing. 'I think Evans' is protecting someone. Or herself.'

We made it our business from then on to investigate Evans and find out what was really going on. It was the fact that her parents had suddenly died… together… that had me thinking. Rumours spun around the Great Hall the next day, claiming that they'd died in a car crash. Lily didn't deny them, she just sat, straight backed, straight faced, never saying a word. Bianca was nowhere to be found and Susan, who had once been one of Lily's best friends, was sitting a fair bit away, shooting guilty looks down the table. It was amazing that we'd missed this. Being so wrapped up in Quidditch (I'd been captain since fifth year), Head Boy, exams, and the now up-and-coming ball, I had completely missed the fact that Lily was isolated.

Two days ago, none of us would have cared… well, bar Remus. He told me when I confronted him about her that she'd once been there for him when no one else was, and he would do the same for her, no matter what he thought she'd done. I'd never asked.

Now, I nudged him in the elbow, knocking over his Pumpkin juice.

'James!'

'Sorry mate, orange isn't your colour anyway. Hey, what's the deal with Evans and Gutteridge?'

Remus looked at me as he finished Vanishing the spilled Pumpkin juice. 'Susan was the one who told Sirius about Evans stealing, remember? She said she'd seen a few things that belonged to Sirius in Evans trunk. But they'd had a falling out before then. They'd barely spoken in weeks, so Susan was well pleased to tell all about… how'd she put it..? _Evans' extracurricular activities_.'

I pushed my eggs around my plate in circles, thinking hard. Padfoot and I had poured over that book, and there hadn't been a word about nicking stuff in there. The pages he'd ripped out had just been conversations, or strange things we'd do in one of our crazy moments where we'd figure something out. You know, we'd just be laughing and joking about something like conjuring animals and modifying their nature, then Sirius would dopily say something along the lines of 'Yeah, as if we can conjure some killer bees and force them to attack and murder someone like Snivellus.'

We'd all start laughing at the thought then fall silent, our eyes would widen and we'd try it. And, of course, it'd work. Not that we actually conjured killer bees to attack and murder Snivellus. It was only a few stings.

Anyway, they were just conversations like that and strange spells that we discovered that she'd jotted down. It was the entries about her family and Susan that confused me.

_I don't know what to do. I mean, I can't apologise for being like this, can I? We're family, and I can't even go home for a month in peace._

_She keeps acting strange. Her family is in deep, I know that. She accidentally let slip that her parents were asked to join him, but they refused and that's how they died. I can't imagine being an orphan and having to live with your uncle, an uncle you never met. I've heard strange stories about him, too. Augustus was a good student back in his day, but Susan said he keeps to himself and she's not allowed in certain rooms. _

_I can't stand the thought of going home for Christmas, I think I might stay here this year. Petunia shrieks whenever I turn a corner suddenly, as if she's terrified of me. But all she does is taunt me and threaten to tell everyone how I'm a 'freak'. I hate going home with her there. I miss Mum and Dad so much. I guess I'll see them after this year is over, but now that I'm friends with James and Sirius things are a lot more interesting here. James is so much nicer than I thought. Imagine, I used to think he was stupider than a troll, but he's not all that bad. Bianca keeps teasing me, saying I fancy him but… well, I guess I admire him more than I should._

This last entry had Sirius nudging me and making lewd comments. Yeah, that would explain his currently fading black eye. But now I was watching Susan closely. I can't imagine why I never thought about her. Now, watching her fading away, skinny, quiet, pale… it was so damn abvious.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:** _Author's notes are going to stop here, so to keep up with progress, check out my website - xanga. com/virtuous devil(they won't let me put in a hyperlink... grrr...). It's an online diary so I'm warning you now, it's not always pleasant. I'll also reply to questions and reviews there. Keep reading guys, you have no idea how much energy you give me every day!_

Christmas was closer than was comfortable. Sirius was ducking between the hallways, making full use of every secret passage in the castle in order to escape the over excited girls begging him to go with them to the ball.

'Just ask one and they'll leave you alone!' Remus said, one cold night when Sirius had come stomping into the common room, scrubbing bright pink lipstick from his cheek, a scowl embossed on his face. 'Just pick a normal one!'

'Which one?' Padfoot spat, falling angrily into a huge, squashy armchair. 'They all squeal and cry and carry on, there's no _normal_ ones on the planet!'

I laughed and leaned back against the edge of the sofa. Sirius growled.

'Got one, have you? They're trailing you too, you know. Not openly, they're planning on slipping you love potions or Confounding you into saying yes or something.'

I stopped laughing.

Remus dropped his head over his parchment as Peter snickered at my fallen face. 'I honestly don't see why either of you just ask someone.'

Sirius frowned and looked around the room. 'What about Bianca?'

Remus shook his head. 'She's taken.'

'By who? She'll change her mind when I ask her!' He said arrogantly.

'By me,' Remus said with a smirk.

Sirius scowled and stared into the fire. 'Well, she was the only decent one. Who am I going to choose now?'

Peter, lolling on the floor, rolled onto his back and stared up at Sirius. 'What happened to Susan?'

Sirius answered this with a muffled groan and an incomprehensible rant into the nearest pillow. I only managed to pick up the words 'wench', 'stupid' and 'bloody freaking joke'.

My guess was he was unimpressed.

Padfoot stared daggers at me. 'Alright, James, who are you taking then, huh?'

I made a show of examining my nails. 'I was thinking of asking Evans, actually.' Sirius laughed, Peter giggling nervously and Remus… well, Remus just nodded and smiled secretively. 'Are you nuts? That's little thief? Why the hell would you want to ask her?'

I shrugged. 'She's Head Girl, I'm Head Boy… makes sense…'

'Is that all?' his face was quickly turning a strong puce. 'She's a _thief_, James!'

'I told you before, didn't I? She never did it!'

'Has she said that?'

'No…'

'Then she's guilty!'

I shook my head. The guy was furious, almost spitting in my face with rage. Peter had long since stopped giggling and had edged backward, Remus calmly flicked the corner of the parchment and sighed and I just leaned back carelessly. I could argue this. How? I had a trick up my sleeve. Well… in my pocket. No, not that.

'No, Padfoot. She's not.'

'Oh? And how do you know that?'

'She never wrote about us being Animagi,' I said, lowering my voice.

'She never did what with the who now?'

'She never said a word about Remus, either.'

Moony looked up and frowned. 'But she's known for… for ages!'

'I know.'

They were all staring at me, the whites of their eyes showing. I grinned at the ceiling. 'See, Padfoot old friend, you looked at what _was_ written. Not what _wasn't_ written.' I sat up and pulled out the small torn section of entry from the diary that had been sitting comfortably in my pocket.

'Remember this?'

'_The guys and I sneaked out of the castle today, and made our way to Hogsmeade. I never thought I'd have the guts to do it. Fair enough, I've done it every now and then when I really needed to, but other than that… They were actually a heap of fun, even when we were almost caught afterwards. But going to Zonko's first was classic…'_

I saw Remus smile and nod. I saw Peter's forehead crease. And I watched Siruis' eyes widen. He looked up at me, and I nodded, grinning.

'You get it now?'

'But who else would have known that we went to Hogsmeade? Maybe she forgot…'

Remus shook his head and scratched above his eye. 'No, not with all the talking we did about it afterwards. Merlin, we almost got caught!'

Peter snorted. 'Yeah, like that hasn't happened often!' He giggled then coughed and fell silent at the expression on our faces.

I leaned back into me chair and grinned. 'So someone she told wrote about it. Because I'm sure Lily Dearest would remember that we were dragged to the Three Broomsticks first and she made us go to Zonko's last to minimize the chances of us pranking her on the trip. So, I think she just happened to lose her diary and someone filled out the rest for her.'

Sirius frowned and rubbed his forehead with his fingers and thumb. 'So who..?'

His eyes widened, Remus knocked over his bottle of ink and Peter remained looking confused.

'No way.'

'Yep. And umm… Sirius, in that early entry, who did it say was her guardian?'

'Shit.'

'Exactly.'


End file.
